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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am an18-year-old guy who is rather frustrated with the way things are right now. I am the type of guy who always gets blapped. (A blap is when a girl tells you that you're like a brother to her or that she wants someone exactly like you -- but of course, not you -- or that you're the best friend a girl could ever have, etc..) To be honest, I am really tired of it. I have met a lot of wonderful girls who end up with a--holes and then come crying me about it wondering why they can't find someone like me. All I hear about is jerk guys and that all men are jerks, but the nice ones get overlooked and whined to about the jerks. It is also making feel rather inadequate as a guy who seems to attract nothing but the yearly flu. I'm not perfect, but I am a nice guy, and it is apparent that nice guys get overlooked until women turn 25 or 26. Why? Can I change this? I am sorry if I have come across as bitter, but, well, I guess, no, no, I definitely am.

--Kevin

Dear Kevin,

In all my years of being a listener for Listeners, I've never heard the verb to "blap!" I'll assume that it's your clever abbreviation/wordification for "You're such a great Buddy, and you've built me the best Loft in town. But since I'd rather date A--holes, I'd prefer to keep things Platonic."

Believe me, I hear you, and I can assure you that all you Nice Guys are not alone. In spirit, anyway. But let me give you a little more than a shoulder to cry on, and maybe the next "wonderful girl" will ask for more, too.

1. Yes, for whatever soap operatic reason, some women, even Lisa Simpson, tend to Jones for the Jimbos of the world. Possibly complicated inquiry: is there anything specific that the gals you fall for have in common (besides being "wonderful" and falling for "jerks")? Something that could tip you off in advance that they'll squeal over someone else and then come crying to you? I don't know, but it might be worth thinking about; maybe there's a nice little self-fulfilling prophecy that's partly to blame. (You might find some clues here.)

2. Don't just take what you can get with these girls, which more often than not will be snot on your sleeve. Don't just place your shoulder under her nose and hope she'll get a whiff of romance; position your whole self as a potential boyfriend. Don't ask her where it hurts, ask her where she'd like to have dinner. Before she comes to rely on you for something ... less.

3. Remember, just for more reassurance, that girls get blapped, too. Just ask Just A Friend and Everyone's Kid Sister, to name only a couple. They're the buddies playing one-on-one while giving cringing support about the one who got away; they're the "smart," steady ones watching the guys heat up over the ice/beauty queens. (Generalizations/stereotypes, but you see my point.)

4. And finally, Kevin, remember this

IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: For every guy wondering why women go for the bad guys, there's a girl wondering where all the good guys are.

So try #2 with the next girl that (#1 borne in mind) makes your tummy go bloop, and one day -- soon! -- you'll look back on the blap years as a mere blip.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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