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(Your "Self-Esteem" Do Tells, continued.)

Then: A girl broke my heart. I was stuck in a job I hated, not supported by my friends. And I decided to go into sales. Salesmen, of course, must have self-esteem. I'm actually good with people, so I figured I'd be good in sales. Nobody else thought I would be. Angry at everyone around me, I realized a few things: I'm intelligent. I'm funny. I'm good at pretty much anything I put my mind to. I'm a good person. I'm actually handsome. And I was going to prove everyone wrong.

So: I got rid of every negative influence in my life. Friends who weren't true friends? Goodbye. People without faith in my ability? Bye. I stopped settling for less than I wanted. And now my new boss calls my old boss and says, "Remember how you didn't want Brad to move to your store? Well, he just sold $6,000 in volume today. Yeah, he was my top seller. Again. Remember how you didn't want him on the sales floor?" Now I walk around with confidence, with pride. I know I'm a good person, and that if someone else doesn't think so, then I really don't need to know that person. I'm single and not minding it. I'm getting a place with a friend this summer and taking a vacation to the beach, which I've wanted to do since high school. I can afford it now.

If I can have self-esteem, so can everyone else. But you have to work for it. You can't try to gain self-esteem when you're surrounded by negative forces. You have to remove as much negativity from your life as possible. Still talking to that ex that hates you? Stop. Still lusting after that girl who won't give you the time of day? Stop. Feeling bad because Russell Crowe looks better than you? Stop. Focus on your good qualities, and surround yourself with people who like you for you. And as an added bonus, quite a few girls have told me lately that I'm attractive. They never used to. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to attract them! I never used to think self-esteem was in my reach -- now I know that it is.

Kerri: I have noticed that when I feel especially needy, I ask my boyfriend to say loving things to me -- which sometimes irritates him, because he doesn't feel they are genuine if I've asked him to say them. I eventually realized that it is a pattern of mine -- instead of telling myself "loving" things or doing something fun or nice to feed myself spiritually, I "demand" it from others. It's hard to build up depleted self esteem, but it helps to write a list of all the things you like about yourself, be they qualities or things that you do that you like yourself, or ones that other people have commented on. Look at the list regularly and revise it. I find that another really good tip to feel good about myself and boost my self-esteem is to read your column, BG. The way you write really speaks to me and reinforces my beliefs which makes me feel valuable -- so thanks, and here's to many more.

Thank you, Kerri! I'm putting your comment on my list!

Before you guys turn to the Predicament of the Week,

• Belleruth's recommendation: Check out further reading on self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden.
• And finally:

Do Tell! BG needs you to help her write her future columns! Inquiring superheros want to know: • Something old? How old ...were you when you got married? The first time? Or decided not to? Does the "age" in marriage matter? (This is for you, Crystal!) • Single parents: How do you deal with dating? (This is for you, CJanelleS!) • Dealbreakers: I've been asked to print "the definitive list." Bring 'em on!

Do Sell! • New animation! BG sets Mr. Wronged right! • Hearing voices? Check out the audio version of BG's book (read by BG herself, even though the headphones at the studio made her hair look funny)!

Hats on? Onward...

 
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