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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been dating a wonderful guy for about seven months now. I am very comfortable in our relationship except for the following: he is 32 and lives as if he is still in a college fraternity! He reads Playboy, which I don't really mind because I am very confident regarding my appearance; however, he has at least two of the centerfold posters on his wall! His room seems also very "dorm room"-ish. This leads me to believe that he is not mature enough for a serious, marriage-minded relationship. I'm not saying that I have to get married tomorrow, but I love this guy and I don't want to waste my time on someone who is not in the same "place" in life as I am. He knows how I feel about the posters, by the way. I don't nag him about it, I just cover up the one on his closet door with his robe so I don't have to stare at her! What should I do?

--Lovelorn in L.A.

Dear Lovelorn,

Hmm. Is he "mature enough?" Well, the posters: are they framed?

Ha, ha. Okay, really. Here's where to look for your answer: everywhere but the closet door. (And not just because BG, much like NOW, has historically not taken a simple pro- or con-porn stance. I mean, even feminist boys dabble.) Point being: he may not know how to decorate, but does he know how to have a relationship? In theory, if you made a respectful request (vs. "nag"), would he at least listen?

In short: is he in this for the interviews?

See, often, people live dormroomishly only until their, er, dormant grownup tendencies are awakened. In other words, because they can, not because they can't not. So if you're using words like "wonderful," "comfortable," and "love" -- and if you answered "Yes! Yes! YES!" to the above three questions (and if/since you're asking in the first place), I'd say you're good for now. And at some point, if it comes to that, you can ask him. AND: as for being in the "same place," well, how about yours?

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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