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Dear Breakup Girl,

I've been so busy doing my own thing all these years and all of a sudden, boom, I'm 33 and single! I'm no Bridget Jones here, but I'm starting to feel like a carton of milk reaching its due date. The problem? I do date, or at least lurch from short relationship to short relationship like a drunken sailor, but I just can't seem to fall in love anymore. I'm attracted to many men, really, I'd like to grab them by the hair and drag them back to my cave -- especially those bike messengers, rrrrr -- but when it comes to investing emotionally, none of them seems to measure up. I know what you're thinking, BG... but this is no commitment-phobia thing. I have had serious relationships. I had a very wonderful extended relationship, almost three years ago... until it became not so wonderful and we broke up.

Now, half the time when I feel all flutter-stomached about someone, it's because I'm making up a story to talk myself into how great he'd be for me. And then bang, reality. Right now I'm dating a friend whom I truly care about, but he keeps telling me how terrific I am and how he doesn't understand why I'd go out with someone like him. Frankly, this sets off lots of warning bells. I think at one time I would have been flattered, but now I just don't have the energy to deal with someone else's neediness; I've spent so much time on my own. Really, it's exhausting.

Otherwise, all the guys I meet are younger than I am, or guys from work, or other unsuitable types. I don't look like Phyllis Diller yet, but let's just say the boys don't eye me in the street quite like they useta. What do I do? Where do I go? Are the good ones really all gone? Did I use all my good stuff up in my 20s? Help, it's getting lonely out here in Bridesmaid Land, and I look lousy in taffeta.

--Lonely but Not Pathetic (...Yet)

PS Please don't tell me to take up a hobby. I have so many freaking hobbies it's ridiculous.

Dear Lonely But Not Pathetic (...Yet),

What shall we do with this drunken sailor? Well, here's the...

Good news: I am not going to tell you to get a hobby.

Bad news: I am going to give you equally square-aunty-sounding advice. Ready? "You just haven't met the right man." But truly! "Attracted" is a start, but quicksilver is mercurial. "Really and truly care about" is also a start, but I'm clear that for you, full-time self-esteem administration is a draining temp job at best.

So.

Good/bad news: You're already doing everything right, except the part where you're still seeing that friend because he's good/warm enough. I can just tell. I really can. And that is actually pretty major, sailor. You know how to be on your own; you know what a relationship walks/talks/bikes/feels like. So trust this...

IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: There really are plenty of nice, straight guys "left." (It would just be helpful if they'd have some sort of parade.)*

And. Try, I don't know, the same hobbies in different places. Internet personals where you can sort by hobby. And age. Whatever. I know these aren't brilliant revelations; I'm just suggesting that you do something to shake things up -- while, yes, you soldier on, epaulets shined with shoes dyed to match. I know, I know. But: that missing guy on the milk carton? Auntie Breakup really does not say this to everyone: when you find him, you will know.

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS Seek more reassurance from/for Enuff Already, Libby, and MB.

* To actually see and hear BG say this, click here! Over and over, if you like.

 
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