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SHOUTOUTS

To Juliette and Mia from Jill:

In case anyone read Mia's shoutout to Juliette with a groan and an eye-roll, let me tell you: she's absolutely RIGHT! Her letter described my own experience EXACTLY! OF COURSE there are advantages to being "beautiful," but we "babes" get cheated on, lied to, dumped, turned down, and hurt just like everyone else! We wake up feeling troll-like sometimes; we worry about our weight, our looks, the size of our feet/breasts/nose/butt/you-name-it. NO ONE is immune to those much worse INTERNAL insecurities (am I smart enough, am I kind enough, am I talented enough, am I funny enough, etc., etc.

Juliette (and everyone else who thinks they'd be treated better if they were just better looking), remember this: a jerk is a jerk (AND A GOOD MAN IS A GOOD MAN), whether he's dating Sarah Michelle Gellar or Jabbette the Hut. There are plenty of very pretty, very lonely people out there, and there are plenty of "plain" people who are happy and loved. And by the way, Mia was ESPECIALLY right about people assuming we pretty ones are dumb as posts, and believe me, you DON'T want to deal with that all the time. It's VERY frustrating, especially from the would-be "deep" guys. I can't count the number of times back in my single days when I spent an evening at a party being ignored by the men with whom I had everything in common because they assumed the tall, skinny, blonde girl would be a shallow bimbo and assumed the plump, brunette girl in the black sweater would be witty and cultured. Meanwhile, I got to spend the evening deflecting the advances of rude, drunken frat-boys and avoiding the hostility of nearly every female present.

To top it all off, NO ONE wants to hear about it! Imagine what it would be like if almost NONE of your friends had ANY sympathy for your dating woes. And hey, go read my letter to BG if you want proof that being pretty doesn't protect you from ANY relationship problem!!! (By the way, thanks to BG and everyone who wrote; it gave me much to reflect upon.)

To Kristin from NCW:

As a fellow member of the brotherhood of the shy but hidden by a seemingly outgoing nature, all I have to say is, "Don't worry about it." What you describe seems remarkably similar to my own social defense mechanisms to hide my very shy nature from the rest of the world. Attempts to modify or eliminate this behavior radically don't seem to work, because although I think of it as a facade and it sometimes bothers me greatly, it really is part of who I am.

Do you really want to change who you are?

Instead view this as a filtering process. After all, those who get a weird expression and duck out are probably those whom you really would not want to deal with in any case. Someone without the sense of humor and self confidence to stick around would probably be tossed out of consideration sooner rather then later, no matter what first impression you make. The proper response to the challenge of a duel of wit is not to flee like a coward. Wait for ones who will respond with, "En Garde!"

 
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