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Dear Breakup Girl,

Love reading your stuff. I wondered if you could clarify something you wrote in response to "Confused," whose boyfriend expressed his fear of commitment by hanging with his many friends. You stated: "Try not to preemptive-strikingly seek out guys who have no guy friends (also a bad sign, and not necessarily a "gay" one)." My query: why is it a bad sign that a guy has no guy friends? I don't have lots of girl friends. Is that a bad sign? I went with a guy who had no friends, but he did end up marrying someone (much to my hurt and dismay,'cause I loved him). Can you clue me in?

--Aliengirl

Dear Aliengirl,

Oh, don't worry! I'm not saying you have to have a certain number of personal contacts in your Palm Pilot before you're allowed to date. Neither you -- nor the next He -- has to have "lots" of friends. I'm just saying that it's reliably desirable for a partner to have, I don't know, a friend who's not you. Why? Because it suggests that s/he already knows how to have a relationship, any relationship. That s/he already has a personal life to share with you, not siphon from you. That … oh, so many things. I mean, humans are social creatures. They don't do well in isolation. And you don't want to be the person feeding them through that little window (which, for all you know, is what your ex's wife's job is). So, Aliengirl, you're fine. Enjoy and adore the friends you have. And those of your next boyfriend.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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