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Dear Breakup Girl,

Well, junior prom is coming up, and I have a boyfriend. Unfortunately, he had already asked someone to be his date before we started dating. I think that he should take me now that we're together, but he thinks differently. Tonight I told him that either he explains to this girl that he has a girlfriend now and wants to go with me, or we break up. He won't let me break up with him! It was the silliest argument I've ever heard. How can I make him know that I'm serious about this? Please tell me what you think about the whole situation. Am I even doing the right thing breaking up with him?

--MLE

Dear MLE,

In BG's ever-developing body of Prom Law, here -- courtesy of BG's Attorney-at-Love -- are the statutes that apply: "If the offer to Girl 1 (henceforth 'Her' or 'She') was unconditional (either expressly so -- like, he actually said, 'I will take you to prom even if N'Sync outsells the Backstreet Boys ... oh, wait...' -- or based on custom and usage at the high school in question -- like, it’s generally understood that if you're going, you're going), then when She said "Yes" (albeit with forked tongue and bile-foaming lips), a contract -- as in, a binding contract -- was formed. Whether or not Boyfriend can reasonably seek to break that contract depends on what the resulting 'damages' would be to her and how/whether they could be lessened or repaired. For example, if She would be left without a date, or forced to attend with a lesser date, then she would be [legal term] damaged significantly."

What does this all mean in the court of Love (like, in English)? It means that yes, in theory, he asked her first, he has an obligation to her. But what obligation? At very least, to say, "Look, I'm in kind of a pickle here. It turns out that since I asked you to prom, I wound up starting to date someone else. Um, oops. So I wanted to give you the opportunity to find a date who can be counted on not to cut in on whoever his girlfriend's dancing with. What do you think?" See, I'm sure She doesn't want to lose her lock here, but I'd also have to say that as far as her alternatives go, someone taken (i.e. Boyfriend) actually is the "lesser" of two dates. (To wit: "She actually wants to go to prom with someone else's boyfriend? What's Her damage?")

See if he'll put it to her that way. If he wants to honor that "contract" in principle, well, I guess that's honorable, in theory. But the real point you should make to him is that if he does, prom, in practice, will be Weird.

Beyond that, I'm not sure you have to take such a hard line (as in break up). Especially (well, only) if, indeed, this is a random stubborn blip in his otherwise worshipful-of-you whatever-you-say demeanor. So: maybe this is dorky, but could you go with (and I think he might owe you some help here) one of his friends? That way, you can morph the whole deal from two uncomfortable couples keeping a wary/glaring/staring distance into one big (relatively) fun prom date amoeba. And yeah, beyond prom (yes, there is such a thing), let's hope -- presume, even -- that from now on he'll honor with equal fierceness any commitments he makes to the You in his life.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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