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Dear Breakup Girl,

I had to laugh when I read the letter this week asking, "How can I keep people from assuming I'm gay?" -- because I have the opposite problem. I go to a school where almost half the student body is queer, and I'm a women's studies major with a tattoo of a snake on my arm, and everyone still thinks I'm straight! Needless to say it's difficult to find mutual attraction when all the girls I meet think I'm hetero (and I don't like to ask people out without at least some indication of interest). I try to come out in conversation whenever the opportunity presents itself, but it feels awkward to simply blurt, "By the way, I like women." Short of shaving my head, what can I do to loudly proclaim "I'm a dyke!" without, well, standing on the steps of the Student Union and shouting it?

-- Hopelessly Femme

Dear Hopelessly Femme,

For what it's worth, some people think that all lesbians shave their heads, stand on the steps of Student Unions, and shout "I'm a dyke!"

In any case -- though I'd stop short of actually changing your image beyond the borders of your personality or style -- why not ask a friend what she thinks about why you seem to seem so damn straight? By mentioning your tattoo, and your major, you acknowledge that there are certain symbols and signals -- stereotypical and inaccurate (and in your case, ineffective) though they may be -- that say "I'm straight!" or "I'm gay!" (or "TBA!"). Who knows, maybe you've got some vestigial ones left over from the world you used to live in, where the population was not 50% out. An outside point of view might help.

Other than that -- though I can imagine your predicament gets really annoying-- I would declare no major crisis, make no more than superficial symbolic tweaks (e.g. "You might want to lose the 'Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus' T-shirt."). My guess is that you'll sync up with the gal who's attracted to you not because she's attracted to "straight-acting" or whatever, but because she's attracted to you. Betcha one of these days you'll be standing on those steps shouting, "I'm in love!"

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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