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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been seeing Eric for about three months. In the beginning, we would talk for hours on the phone and e-mail each other constantly. Since Eric's business has him on the road a lot, we haven't been on that many dates. We also correspond mainly through e-mail and instant messages. Oh, yeah, we met online, and he is 12 years older than I; I am 23.

About a week ago, Eric began avoiding me and his e-mails got really short and few and far between. I naturally got suspicious and did some investigating. I found out he has an online personal. I confronted him about it, and he told me that I was attacking him and that he put the ad up way before we started seeing each other. He then wrote me a long e-mail about how he was not avoiding me; he just needed time to figure things out. He wanted to see me, but he wasn't sure if he should see the woman he first knew or the "attacking" woman he had just met.

Well, I responded to his e-mail and actually apologized ... eeew, I wish I hadn't done that. The plot thickens.

I have been reading his e-mails (found out his password), and he gets a lot of replies from women. He is responding to them and asking for their numbers and pictures. So I created a screen name and responded to his e-mail with a fake pic and everything. Now he wants to meet "her." But that isn't the problem. The problem is that I also found out he has another screen name which he uses so he doesn't have to talk to me. He hasn't broken up with me yet; in fact, he is avoiding it.

I want closure. I also want revenge and am thinking of editing his personal ad to make him gay. Help me! Should I just leave him alone or keep chasing him for closure?

--Karen

Dear Karen,

Well! I guess it's time to add another causal agent to the debate about what "makes" people gay: annoyed password-snagging exes. Sure, enough, he's being supremely tacky. And I'll bet you're mad and hurt. But here's the thing: revenge and closure are often unrelated. Antithetical and at counter-purposes, in fact. Here's the logic: You're saying. "I am going to perpetuate this snooping and hacking indefinitely with a man who is avoiding me, partly because I am concealing my identity, until I get some closure." Karen: closure (unlike dating Eric) is a one-person job. Otherwise, you'd still be in a relationship. So never mind whether snooping is Right or Wrong; I'd say his flakiness is worth exactly ... zero of your time and bandwith to begin with. If you want closure, give it to him in the form of your breaking up with him. Spend your time nursing your wounds, and then editing your personal ad to make you: available.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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