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Dear Breakup Girl,

I doubt you'd really label this a huge problem, but it could take on epic proportions if I don't do something about it soon. I have been single now for over a year. I had two long term boyfriends back-to-back for the four years before. The first was this really sweet guy with whom the spark died and turned into only a "friendship love" (on my side, not his). The next relationship, which blossomed a mere month after the first one ended, was this amazing passionate, LDR that ended abruptly and not with my blessing a year ago. (It was bad; I had just moved to be closer to him, switched colleges, blah, blah, blah, and was counting on marrying him someday!) All this info serves to show that I have had normal relationships, have been in love in the past, and have felt normal things; read on for the problem:

I'm over him now, have a great job, love the volunteering I do every week, have great roommates and gang of girlfriends, and no shortage of guys who want to take me out. The problem, you ask? I don't like any of the guys who like me! I know you can't force things like that, but I feel just wretched for having no emotions anymore! It seems like every guy I go out with here has some fatal flaw that I cannot tolerate. The Agricultural Business Major kept sucking snot into his throat and cracking horrible jokes; the Paramedic kept yakking about his ex and insisting he wanted another girlfriend desperately; the Cashier kept talking about his hair ... the list goes on and on. I blew off the Redhead because I noticed he wore tighty whitey underwear when he bent to tie his shoe.

Am I going mad? I really don't want to be so superficial and picky! I keep telling myself I would like the right guy even in those hideous tighty whiteys, but I'm really starting to doubt myself. I'm by no means perfect, but I seem to be letting little things get to me more than they should and become complete dealbreakers! Am I maybe sabotaging myself to avoid getting involved again and getting hurt and/or hurting someone?

Help! I'd hate to think that I would dismiss The One because he wore brown shoes with a black sweater!

--Emotionless

Dear Emotionless,

Well, sure. There could be some big Psychology thing doing that "Gong!" sabotage for you. If that were the case, I'd caution you to remind yourself that part of any great relationship are the heinous/hilarious little quirks that drive you bonkers. And to read the last sentence of your first paragraph; everything you've had, even the "bad," has been (far as I can tell), normal. Nothing to Scotch-guard yourself from -- except, oh, Life -- in the first place. Right?

But I'm inclined to say that it's actually much simpler. First of all, the ABM, the Paramedic, and the Cashier sound ... legitimately annoying. Snot, exes, hair fetishes: they may not break the deal, but they sure as heck don't break the ice. Or make for chemistry.

As for the Redhead or, say, The Clasher, who knows? My guess is that when you can't put your finger on why you don't like someone, your Fashion Sense taps your Gut on the shoulder and says, "Here, I'll explain." If you ask me, you just don't LIKElike these guys. And you're just casting about for a colorful (or tight white) "reason" as to why. So date on, and I think you will sense, fashion- and/or otherwise, when to call The [Nickname] The One.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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