<
PREVIOUS LETTER ||
NEXT LETTER >
Dear Breakup Girl,
For most of college, I dated a very nice guy (not the right guy for me at
the end of things, for reasons too melodramatic to get into). We broke up a
year ago this month. After that breakup, I went into what my girls call my "swinger
mode," generally partying and flirting and going out with a couple of different
guys a week, nothing serious.
Graduation. I moved back to my hometown. I jumped into a relationship with
Beach Boy during the summer, who still went to my university. He was also a
nice guy, but it was long distance, and it always seemed to be party time when
we got together, in a way that grew to be more and more destructive, both to
the relationship and ourselves. A few weeks later, I had dried out and sobered
up enough to realize that during that time, I had made friends only with his
friends, who also only partied (and I mean partied, ecstasy, K, etc.). They
were fun people who liked the same scene I did; they just liked it a little
too much for my comfort. I had to get out of the club scene for a while and
do my own thing. The problem was that there was no one to do that with, really.
I was confused, tired, and lost my job. I started a retail job to try to at
least conquer something and make some money. Not a great time.
So along comes Skater Boy. He, too, had been down the road of partying too
much, the rave scene, the whole deal. I had always dug skater boys, being a
snowboarding betty myself. He was the antithesis of Beach Boy: where BB was
outgoing, SB was quiet and reclusive. While BB liked to go to parties and football
games, SB liked hanging out with friends.
So, this group of friends comes along, and we all get along famously. I have
loads in common with all of them. We hang out separately from SB, etc. And then
the "I love you" on Christmas eve. Tra la la. Happy days. I met his parents;
he met mine; I baby-sat his nieces...
And then he needed space. Declared a break.
I declared a breakup. "Break," to me, is too weird, too uncomfortable:
the "are we or aren't we" thing. He and I haven't spoken since. The friends
and I still hang out. Weirdness abounds because now he's really grumpy and pissing
everyone off. I got a new job at a spiffy dotcom, a new apartment, sang some
songs, and generally started trying to work on being alone after five years
of boyfriendom. Work out the busywork of my head, as one good friend told me.
Then along comes DJ boy, who also has seen the scene. Been there, done that,
invited me to Miami to see him and his crew spin. AAAcccckkkkk. But I'm sooo
prickly right now about boys, and I told him that. He seems content to be my
friend. I guess my question is what to do next?
--Nina, Fulfillment Social Chair
Dear Nina, Fulfillment Social Chair,
What to do? Well, not, say, K.
Otherwise, go ahead and feel the natural prickle. Trust the "too weird"
feelings you've followed before, and -- when you're ready -- your heart will
start spinning again.
Love,
Breakup Girl
PS: Oooh! I tried snowboarding for the first time
yesterday! Aren't you proud of me? (Unlike Breakup Mom, to whom I just outed
my Betty self?)
<
PREVIOUS LETTER ||
NEXT LETTER >