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Dear Breakup Girl,

My friends have not been able to come to a consensus on this love issue, so I'm acting somewhat out of character in writing to you. I work in a setting that requires that I live in the same building as my staff members, and I think that I am falling or have already have fallen in love with one of them. I think about her constantly. We have developed a strong friendship outside of the workplace. The more I learn about her and experience with her, I just want to come right out and tell her that I love her. I am almost afraid to be alone with her, though, because I know that as her supervisor, I need to maintain a certain level of professionalism no matter what. When I am alone with her, I have to concentrate really hard not to say anything to her. So my being her supervisor is one problem. Another problem is that she says she is straight. Maybe I am just wishing and hoping too hard, but I think that there may be a possibility even though she says she is straight. So do I hold my feelings in out of professionalism and respect or do I satisfy my urge to let her know how I feel about her?

--Amy

Dear Amy,

Hoo boy. You work together, and you live together. I'm surprised you ever see each other!

Oh but Amy, I wish I could say, "If you love her, then get on bended knee and tell her right now, dammit!" Problem is, on a soul level, you can't fight feelings; yet on a society level -- especially when "being her supervisor" and "she says she is straight" are involved -- you just have to tamp some down...at least right now. (It's still hard enough for lesbians, especially famous ones, to have a private relationship -- now try starting a lesbian relationship, at work, with someone who's not a lesbian.) This may sound rad, but, unless they are on the Real World, people request transfers -- or heck, quit -- when certain working conditions become ... unworkable. Are these those conditions? Making some sort of shift might help you maintain performance (and, as a longshot, might help you make some sort of move). In other words, if you were ever to let her know how you feel, you'd have to have created conditions that would make even that speech -- and its potential fallout -- workable. Can you and your friends brainstorm about how to do that? Let me know what happens.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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