< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

Being a young comic book/comic strip artist, I know that your infinite super-wisdom can help guide my love-blinded relationship crisis.

About four years ago, I met a gal named Beth at my art school. We got to know each other over a couple of lunches, and she was a perfect ten: smart, funny, beautiful, friendly -- just a well balanced individual. She stole my heart. We exchanged phone numbers, got together a couple of times, and had a lot of fun. This is when I made my big mistake: I introduced her to Evan, an old acquaintance from high school who was also attending art college.

Evan is the kind of guy that always has a girlfriend, but I didn't know at the time that he was single. He saw Beth and wasted no time "busting a move" at the next possible chance. A couple of days later, I spotted them both walking to her car. I knew Evan was a smooth operator when it came to relationships, and I figured if she was happy with him, so be it. Plenty of fish in the sea, right? So they started dating.

Eventually, I started to hang out with the two of them for lunch here and there. I wound up becoming close with them as a couple, and became great friends with Evan. Beth proceeded to fix me up on double dates with all of her single friends, but to no avail. I was subconsciously trying to find a substitute for Beth through her friends, but no dice. The three of us bonded as friends, and I tried not to let my feelings for Beth start any trouble. She had become my best friend's girlfriend. I didn't want the whole King Arthur love triangle to happen here.

Fast forward to this winter: Evan introduced me to Katherine, a gal he worked with at his previous job. He tried to sell her as being the perfect gal for someone, and we had some informal double dates. Katherine seemed nice enough, but very bland. We all got together to see a movie. Everything went well, but I could tell it wasn't going to happen with Katherine and me.

Then Evan called to tell me that he had broken up with Elizabeth. Apparently, Katherine had professed her love for Evan, and apparently Evan was looking for a good reason to end his relationship with Beth. He explained that he was content with her, but no longer happy. He said Beth hadn't done anything wrong -- that she was the perfect girlfriend -- just not the one for him. Fair enough. So I let about nine days go by. I figured a little more than a week would be a decent grieving period and then I'd call her. She is my friend, too, after all. I was explaining this whole story to another friend on the phone -- how I was going to call her that night to talk -- when other phone line beeped (bless call waiting), and it was Beth. She was on her lunch break at work, and we talked about some general things. I didn't want to press anything. We made plans to talk a couple more times, and then made plans to go to the Museum of Fine Arts and dinner. Best of all, it was all her suggestion.

My dilemma is that I do have such strong feelings for her. This is a time when she needs me to be a friend, but I just want to explain my feelings to her in the worst way. I'm never as happy with anyone else as I am with her. The standard "head over heels" package. I don't want to seem like a vulture moving in on a wounded animal. I know this is a hard emotional time for her. I also don't want to be a rebound guy, but the real deal.

I also have seen more of Evan now than ever before. He has been hooking up with the new girl. I told him about my conversations with Beth but omitted the part about the museum. He is happy she is being social. I guess my problem is twofold:

(1) How should I handle the Beth situation? and

(2)What should I tell Evan?

He told me that he wished Beth and I were sleeping together so he would have had a reason to break up with her sooner. But I'm not sure how he'd really feel if I began dating her. He has become a good friend, but not a moment has passed since their breakup that I haven't thought about Beth. I don't want to step on any toes; I just want everyone to be happy. So, Breakup Girl, if you can wipe away my emotionally steamed-up windshield so I can better see the road of romance ahead of me, I will forever be grateful!

--Darren

Dear Darren,

In a "Friends" sort of way, it is quite often through our network of friends and more-thans and ex-more-thans that we meet new friends and more-thans and ex-more-thans. Having one's past trawled by others is one of the risks one runs by, like, having a past. Strictly speaking, therefore, it is perfectly legal for you to -- at some point -- work your art boy mack on Beth.

Still, you're right to presume -- however indelicately Evan may have indicated otherwise -- that even smooth operators have feelings. So before anyone gets to (1) (your first question, first base with Beth, etc.), you do need to paint your buddy a picture first. Just a little "Hey, you know, I'm thinking of, um, asking Beth out at some point -- just wanted to give you a heads up." Not to ask his permission, just to keep his respect. If he's a talker, you could also discuss -- if and when -- how you might deal with the mix 'n' match weirdness down the road.

About Beth. I think it's possible to make your feelings known without requiring immediate action at a still-dicey time. Perhaps you could say -- or heck, draw a cartoon you saying -- "Beth, I know this is a tough time for you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. Or -- depending on your feelings -- HEREhere, if you know what I mean. And I can wait." --? Or you could let art boy Chris be your Cyrano and send her this.

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS: Click here for further reading.

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >