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Dear Breakup Girl,

Without fail, my boyfriend shows up on my doorstep two minutes before wrestling starts when I have been looking forward to watching Ally McBeal all day. He always gets his way when it comes to television, even though it's my apartment, my cable bill, and my couch he's hogging. (He refuses to get his own cable because he's hardly ever home.) He's only this selfish when the TV is involved and, although it may seem like a petty problem, it's building up some major resentment. He is worse than the two-year-old boys I babysat for when I was in high school. Did I mention he's a cop? I don't think this is a quality most upstanding officers possess. What do I do? A girl needs to see Ally McBeal.

--Amanda

Dear Amanda,

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like I just tuned into When Gender Cliches Attack!

I'm just teasing, Amanda; this is not -- that much -- about boys and their ...boys. Honestly, it's about manners -- about knowing how to have and handle a relationship, even. I know that people get practically as weird about TV as they do about money, bur really. The long arm of the law doesn't automatically get to hold the remote. And in this case, Samantha, the tube is the crucible. This conflict is either what's bubbled to the surface from a deeper void of respect and balance, or it's a dumb thing that's gonna build, second season, into a bigger-than-necessary power struggle. Isn't there room for middle-grounding, planning ahead, getting a VCR? That's what you do in relationships. So is having and defending your own space and airtime. His job is to protect, like, everyone's; your job is to protect yours, to share generously at your comfortable and loving discretion. So the two of you should turn down the volume and grid out some sort of TV guide for your relationship. Who watches what then? How can you work this out like grownups? In the meantime, maybe compromise? (Calista Flockhart vs. The Gingerbread Man?)

Love,
Breakup Girl

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