Yep! It's Glam-Quest Week Three!

Hola, O purveyors of all things bright and shiny! Welcome to the third round of Glam-Quest 2000, our "reality show"-like take on all those celebrity sightings that fill our lives with glitz and voyeurism. Our contest don't have a one million dollar prize -- in fact, we don't have a prize at all! -- but like "Survivor," "Making the Band," and those other shows, we have real people reaching for the spotlight. Of course, they're not reaching for their own spotlights... they're trying to catch others'!

Los Angeles had a slight lead over a resurging New York team last week. Will New York overtake the team from the sunnier side of the street in Round 3? Or will L.A. crush their black-on-black-clad NY competition? Let's follow along as our intrepid celebrity-watcher send in their reports...

TEAM L.A. - Reporting through July 21st
Points at end of last round: 512,100

Sighting #1: "Friday night I saw Jennifer Milmore (short, ditzy blonde friend on "Jessie") just sitting in a parked, black SUV on 3rd St."

Probably contemplating the tatters of her still-born career. "But my agent said Christina Applegate was the next Lucille Ball!" Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #2: "Vince Vaughn at Mayfair Market on Bronson/Franklin in Ice Cream Isle, with a meathead buddy 5:15 p.m. Sunday...didn't look great."

If a person can't let their glamour guard down while enjoying some ice cream, when can he let it down?! Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #3: "Dermot Mulroney at Mayfair Market on Bronson/Franklin also in the Ice Cream Isle, 8:30pm sunday...don't ask what I was doing in that lovely Isle twice this weekend. Made eye contact while better half and I were debating Starbucks latte or cookies-and-cream. I think he sympathized with our debate."

It's summer, honey! I'd be living at the Ice Cream Isle if I had such a fabulous place within walking distance of the HoJo! Dermot has such soulful, empathetic eyes; he probably would have told you to go cookies-and-cream. Total points: 10,000 times an Eye Contact Multiplier (5x), plus 4,000 for finding this obvious hotbed of celeb-seismic activity. Total points: 54,000.

Sighting #4: "Need help or confirmation on the name...Bill Billingsley (maybe)? The little blonde kid from 'A Christmas Story' and various 80s guest appearances...please help...also at the Mayfair Market."

The name, incidentally is PETER Billingsley and I'm ashamed that you'd forget the real STAR of "Real People" and scads of classic early 80s TV commercials. (Does the name Messy Marvin ring a bell?) I would love to have gotten more of a description of li'l Petey, i.e., has the awkward child become an even more awkward adult? Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #5: "Dave Navarro at the Beverly Connection theaters. Couldn't look at each other because we were both seeing 'Scary Movie.'"

Red Hot. Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #6:"My friend Alexandra had a little party to celebrate her 29th this Saturday that was hosted by Ms. Ru Paul. We spent the evening pool side at Ru's place (818, go figure), where among other things Ru presented an original three-part coming of age story of a young immigrant Japanese girl staring my friend Alex. (Don't ask, it was somehow tied to the Hello Kitty theme of the evening.) The highlight was when Ru insisted I try on a pair of four inch Todd Oldham clear plastic heels, which I couldn't get my feet into. Ru, playing the advisory drag queen, explained, 'One can't jam a size twelve in straight on; one must go in at an angle.' The advice worked, and as I hobbled onto my feet, Ru exclaimed (to my glee), 'You've gotta work!!!'"

I absolutely love this story. Congratulations. It's earned you a robust 10,000 points, times a conversation multiplier (6x), giving you a well-worked 60,000. In addition, for bringing back some very sensible fashion advice from the leggy andromorph, I'll give you an extra 4,000. Total points: 64,000.

Sighting #7: "Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (90210, Milk is good for you, dated David Strickland) with new golden blonde hair, shopping with a friend in Beverly Hills. PLUS eye contact as she thought I might run her her over with my SUV (I won't be penalized will I?)."

What is it with you L.A. people and running celebrities over in your cars?! You've all been watching too much "Deathrace 2000." Slow down! For what is a world without Tiffani-Amber? Here's 10,000 points, plus an Eye Contact Mulitplier (5x), plus an additional 2,500 for turning a former "90210" star into a Frogger game. Total points: 42,500.

Sighting #8: "Today at Jerry's Deli, West Hollywood....A very eighties-looking Joel Schumacher (in a black crew/baseball jacket) inspecting his batmobile, I mean, Range Rover with the valet. Maybe they were filling out that diagram on the back of the valet ticket to show prior damage."

I think Joel Schumacher has always looked very "eighties," even in the seventies! Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #9: "Waiting in line for coffee with Betty Thomas (Hill St. Blues and director of 'Brady Bunch'). Very chatty and funny; I got my order first and she made a joke about it."

Does she still have that garish blonde puff of a hairstyle? And what joke did she make? Betty's worth 10,000 times a Conversation Multiplier (6x). (I don't know if you actually responded to the joke or not, but I'll give it to you anyway.) Total points: 60,000.

Sighting #10: "Tom Selleck and wife going into Tuscany restaurant in Westlake Village. Holding hands. He looked GREAT. Hair slicked back because it was still wet, oldish jacket and chinos. Very thrown together and unstudied. Casual elegance, etc."

That's 10,000, plus 2,500 for finding him so well put together. Personally, from your description, he sounds like an unkempt librarian, but I assume Mr. Selleck must have transcended description. Total points: 12,500.

Sighting #11: "Saw Natalie Raitano (buxom star of Pamela Anderson's TV show 'VIP') at the Santa Palm Car Wash, aka 'carwash to the stars' (really, it's on the sign). She has a packed, artificial rack and a bad attitude. No eye contact was made, as she was too busy studying her cell phone and her belly button. Hot in a very trampy, ex-call girl kind of way. She drives a big black Escalade."

A "packed, artifical rack"? You're not talking about a GUN-rack? (Well, she wields enough of them on "VIP"!) Let's call it 10,000. Plus I like the idea of seeing stars among the suds, so an additional 1,000 bonus points.Total points: 11,000.

Sighting #12: "Saw James Woods outside the Virgin Megastore on Sunset. In heated conversation and smoking, I think. Slightly crazed look in his eye."

Think maybe Sean Young was inside? Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #13: "On Tuesday I was downtown for a 'Roswell' photoshoot and there was a movie production going on next door. Chatted with Adam Goldberg about an Italian Greyhound that was visiting, then he went into his dressing room and screamed like a 6-year-old because he saw a roach. He said he has a great fear of roaches and wouldn't go back in his dressing room."

What?! An Italian Greyhound? Don't criticize Adam for freaking about a little ole roach. Adam's totally B-list and should expect to have a debugged trailer. I count 10,000 points times a Conversation Multiplier (6x), plus 2,500 for seeing him go "buggy." Total points: 62,500.

Sighting #14: "Jennifer Tilly was also there but she looked very bitchy and didn't even make eye contact. She had really bad skin and her voice wasn't as annoying."

Jennifer Tilly: The new Rosie Perez. Total points: 10,000.

Sighting #15: "Also, Jake Busey, Gary Busey's son, who looks really scary! (He played the crazy religious fanatic in 'Contact'). He was eating our food!! Someone told him he wasn't supposed to be eating it and he said 'Oh Well!'"

Now leave little Jake alone. He's got his daddy's genes! He can't help how he looks! (There were some moments in "Shasta McNasty" when he even looked a little handsome. Uh, not that I watched of course....) That's 10,000. plus 3,000 for unintentionally feeding a second generation movie star (points would have doubled had Jake been living in a cardboard box on the street!). Total points: 13,000.

Sighting #16: "Roger Lodge, host of 'Blind Date' (and 'Talk Soup') having lunch at La Scala with two men."

Hmmm, I wonder if somebody was videotaping him while he was eating? Total points: 10,000.

Total Points This Round: 399,500
Total Points Overall: 911,600

This is a case where the quantity, not neccessarily the quality, of star-sighting helps the L.A team build respectably on their lead. They can't possibly miss the Magic Million at this rate! Truly extraordinary! Let's see what's happening in the urban jungle...

TEAM N.Y. - Reporting through July 21st
Points at the end of Last Round: 485,516

Sighting #1: "O, the Fabulosity! Whilst ambling down Christopher Street toward Kim's Video around 7 p.m. tonight, I spotted a famous woman smoking a cigarette while leaning on the wall outside the Lucille Lorter theater. I racked my brain as I passed, eyeballing her but not making eye contact (she seemed to be in a let's-not-make-eye-contact-with-dopey-slackers kind of mood). Six paces down the street, "Rhoda!" popped into my head, followed instantaneously by "Valerie Harper!" Basking in smug pride at having placed her, I was stunned to look up to see a radiant Bebe Neuwirth striding down the street toward me, flanked on either side by tall middle aged men in suits. Incredibly brief eye contact -- she was smiling broadly, no doubt basking in either a shameless bit of brown-nosing or brilliant bon mot proffered by one of her escorts. So two famous brunettes in ten seconds. Not bad, huh?"

Well, SOMEbody certainly found a little nexus of glamour, didn't they? That was apparently the hot corner in New York for those ten seconds. This city has always been a "right time, right place" kind of town. I can only give you 10,000 points for spotting an actress smoking, even if is Rhoda. (Ah, if only you'd been returning your rented copy of "Blame It On Rio!" to the video store at the time!)

Bebe, however, always packs a punch. I'll give you 10,000, times an Eye Contact Multiplier (5x), plus 1,000 per body guard. I wondered to myself it it was Fellini-esque to see two TV starlets, one bright and rising on Broadway, the other growing dimmer (but no less loved) by the month. I decided against, but since this was a very special two-for-one, I'll throw in an extra 5,000 "right time, right place" points. Total points: 67,000.

Sighting #2: "And today, at the press conference for the Asian American International Film Festival, I saw Hong Kong superstar Andy Lau, dressed entirely in white, sporting dyed blonde hair and a scruffy goatee (grown, apparently, for a boxing movie he's shooting in Thailand). Yeah, I know, you haven't heard of him, but he's ENORMOUS in Asia (just won Best Actor in the HK Film Awards) and I predict will soon make inroads stateside. Just remember: you heard it here first."

Never heard of Andy Lau? PUH-leese! I've been a huge fan of his work ever since his turn as Ko Sau in Veronica Chan's "Sat Sau Dik Tung Wah." OK, I looked that up. But I have heard of him and I'd happily give him extra points for that sassy outfit. Unfortunately, in his official capacity as an Asian international film star at an Asian International Film Festival, we can't count it as a celebrity sighting. If you'd seen him doing shots at Coyote Ugly later that night, for example, then I'd be able to help you out. Alas. Total points: 0.

Sighting #3: "Saw red-headed celeb chef Bobby Flay on the street walking purposefully last week. It was midway between his two restaurants Bolo and Mesa Grill."

I don't really follow the world of culinary celebrities, but I will count Bobby Flay, as my Food-Network-loving compadre reportedly "bristled with excitement" when I mentioned his name. Me, personally, I like KFC. You just whipped up 10,000 points, plus 2,000 more for catching him pulling a Peter-Brady-on-two-dates-at-once stunt, except with his own kitchens. Total points: 12,000.

Sighting #4: "Saw Shelia Lukins (author of the Silver Palate Cookbook and columnist for Parade Magazine) at a Crayfish Festival lunch at Aquavit, the yummy Swedish restaurant in midtown."

And again, I say, "Who?" Total points = 10,000.

Sighting #5: "Magic Johnson shopping in East Hampton. REALLY not hard to spot as he's seven feet tall and was wearing a neon green shirt. I smiled at him and he smiled back. The best part was when this gross-o couple saw him and one said to the other, "Look! It's Michael Jordan!!" Then, one of them called after him, "Michael! Michael! Michael!" My friend was so disgusted that he turned to them and said with much irritation, "MAGIC. His name is Magic."

Well, at least they didn't mistake him for Mary-Lou Retton. My, but wouldn't that make everybody blush! I see 10,000 times an Eye Contact Multiplier (5x), plus 2,000 for berating the mistaken tourists. Total points: 52,000.

Total Points This Round: 141,000
Total Points Overall: 626,516

Umm, er, well, it looks as though the celebrities went into hiding in Manhattan this week. That, on top of a terrific week for Los Angeles, gives the Left Coast a substantial lead over the Gotham City Gawkers.

Glam-Quest 2000 Week 3

Los Angeles: 911,600
New York: 626,516

Can New York possibly catch up from Los Angeles' domination of the game? Will L.A. wrap everything up next week with a whirlwind of new Ice Cream Isle sightings? (Pssst, New Yorkers: Why don't you go out everyday this week, to Pop, to Lot 61, to Chaos? Hell, I'll bet you'll find some star-studded customers at Ben & Jerrys!)

Check back next week to see how it all ends! There could be tears! Here's a final challenge for either team: in honor of our upcoming interview, I'll be handing out 100,000 points for every member of hot new boy band O-Town you can spy!

Until Bebe asks me to fill in for an ailing bodyguard,

Gregoire

Read the previous Glam-Quest 2000 report!

Read the final Glam-Quest 2000 report!

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