(And meanwhile! El Duderino! Compass Rose! Moonstruck Mezzo! All the rest of you frequent fliers! We're back -- where are you?! Team BG, and BG.net's readers -- still, God bless 'em, loyal after all these years, legal disasters, etc. -- would love to hear what you've been up to, and with whom! Please write! bg@breakupgirl.net!)

Dear Breakup Girl,

I've been scouring the Internet for you for a long time, praying that I'd finally see your site back at some point. You gave me a lot of helpful advice back in 1998, and I generally loved your column anyway. Tonight I managed to salvage some old writing from a hard drive thought long-dead, and it got me to thinking. "Brad," I said to myself, which would have disturbed the roommates if I had any, "it would be neat to find those letters you wrote to Breakup Girl."

But your site was gone. GONE! And I knew it, and I was angry.

So imagine my surprise when your site DID show up. "Awesome!" I shouted, but inwardly this time, because I don't know if my upstairs neighbor is easily excitable, and I'm not sure whether or not he's armed. I started looking for those old columns, but I couldn't remember dates.

Then I saw my name. Well, not my REAL name. But "Brad." With a convenient link to the stories. Perfect.

As you can imagine, a lot has happened in six years, and I found your site at a time where writing a long, long letter isn't going to be possible until later in the week. I've gone from being a naive, insecure, unsure guy fresh out of high school and turned myself into a more confident, less whiny, wiser guy who loves making people laugh. I've also gone through a handful of relationships, all of them crazy in some way. In fact, I've written a handful of them out as stories, and I'm actually in the middle of writing one even now.

So how much would you like to know? Believe me, there's a LOT. And looking back on it now, it's all pretty funny. It's easier to look back and laugh at the ex-girlfriend who became convinced that she was a vampire than to actually laugh at her for thinking she's a vampire when she and her vampire friends are surrounding you in the middle of a deserted park. Tell me how much you want to know, and I'll write to you later in the week. I'd do it sooner, but I have to prepare for a visitor -- I'm actually in the middle of what may very well become yet another long-distance relationship for me. Maybe this one won't turn out like something from a horror movie.

I've missed seeing your site, I've missed reading your advice. I hope everything going on in your life is amazing.

"Brad"

Dear Brad,

Bravissimo! And about the vampire, we want to know everything.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Where Are They Now? III
Looking up The Optimist