< PREVIOUS LETTER
 

Shoutouts!

To Lizzy from Seattleite:

Have you thought about Seattle? Mountains, big business, we have it all. Rock-climbing is almost a religion here. And if it doesn't work out with Nature Boy, there are a whole lot more Nature Boyz to play with. Good luck!

To Jan from SuzieQ:

Trading in friendships over guys is hard for everyone involved. You have been hurt and used. But there is a good chance that "M" is just as confused as you are. I have had the misfortune to almost lose a friendship the way "M" lost yours. I would just like to advise you to give her a chance at forgiveness. I'm sure the two of you can and will be friends again. Good luck!

To MaryAnne from John:

Do not call him, write him, or contact him any way, and do not let him call you. Most important, don't take him back. You'll never, ever be able to trust him again, and even if he comes back and you get married, the chances are he will bail after the marriage and maybe after a kid or two. In other words, why would you want to go out with, or even marry, someone who has repeatedly shown that he's willing to hurt you to the extent he just has?

And from Doing Just Fine Girl:

I feel your pain. I, too, have been in nearly the exact relationship she has for the last five years with Mr. Absolutely Wonderful. We have broken up and gotten back together several times (mostly his doing). He, too, decided at some point that I was "the love of his life" and wanted to talk marriage. Things fell apart, yet again, not too long after that. This has happened several times now for several years. This last time, I did the breaking up. I hoped and waited too much, too long. It always ended up being the same scene.

I believe he loves me, in his own screwed up way. But, I'm not willing to play on his seesaw any longer. I finally figured out that he isn't going to quit doing it as long as I keep letting him. We still talk. (That was one of his things; he never would completely end things.) But I am done. And to be honest, I was scared and sad, but it has been so much easier than I thought it could be. It finally occurred to me: what would I be missing? More uncertainty and chaos? Like BG said, be sure you can live with taking him back, yet again. I haven't started seeing other people yet, but am considering it as we speak. Good luck with your choices; I hope this might possibly help you a bit...

To Colleen from Jade:

There really, really are a lot of guys who refuse to take no for an answer. I have had a lot of experience with guys who think I'm kidding when I tell them I won't have sex with them. I feel very strongly that sex belongs in a committed relationship, not in a casual thing. Several times, I've told guys how I felt before we even kissed, just so they knew ahead of time. Other times, I've said so while we were kissing. A lot of them seem to think, "I will not have sex with you" means "I will, but I don't want you to think I'm a slut." And they think that if they kiss me enough or beg enough, then I'll change my mind. We all say things like "no means no," but there are a lot of guys who don't really believe it. I'm still sure there are decent guys out there, but like Colleen, I get really tired of finding the ones who aren't.

To BG from Elizabeth:

BG, do not worry about New Year's. It's overblown and a nightmare to have to get all dressed up in a sleeveless dress in the middle of winter and freeze to death in sequins. I have spent it the last several years in my jammies with my dog, both of us eating potato chips and chip dip and having a blast. Make your fun where you can and find it everywhere. But, you knew that...

< PREVIOUS LETTER