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Dear Breakup Girl,

Where to start? Okay, I currently live with my very sweet, intelligent, and beautiful girlfriend. We have been living together for about a year, and we dated for about 5 months prior to "shackin' up." We get along great; she is very easygoing and easy to live with. We rarely fight or anything.

But my problem is this: I want to live by myself. I was very hesitant about us moving in together after only 5 months (and she was well aware of this). I had always been living with other people, either my family or other assorted roommates, and had only just gotten my "very own place" a few months before we started dating. I loved finally having my own space, my own apartment to call my own (a tiny 1-bedroom, but hey, it was mine). However, I moved in with her in spite of my nagging doubts, primarily because she was in an awful living situation that I wanted her out of (bad neighborhood, roommate from hell, etc.). Her lease was expiring, and it was either move in together or have her stay in that situation for another year. So, hoping for the best, I took the plunge.

And it has been easy. And yet I STILL want my own place! I am wondering if there is something wrong with me that I would want to leave a basically good situation just to live by myself? Not to mention the fact that I KNOW she will not go for the idea. My guess (and fear) is that she might dump me altogether if I even bring up the idea of my moving out. She is very into our relationship progressing (as in MARRIAGE), as we are both 27, and she wants to get married soon.

Is it crazy for me to move out and risk losing her altogether? I care about her very much, but I feel like living together so soon was a mistake for me, and I should have paid attention to my misgivings at the time. Now, I feel like it is too late to go back without losing her completely.

--Needin' Some Space in NYC

Dear Needin' Some Space,

To some degree, there's something wrong with anyone willing to risk an NYC apartment, never mind a strong relationship. But that's exactly what tells me that you are, plain and simple, Not Ready for any of this. You weren't before, and you're not now. Which doesn't mean you won't ever be. Or that she won't be a single man by the time you line up for the first edition of the Voice. But if she's in this thing for, like, the mortgage, then it would behoove her to understand why this relatively short-term adjustment might be essential for the long-term.

Still, Needin' Space, remember the difference between NYC apartments and relationships. Hint: only for one should you sign away your life for something "basically good."

Love,
Breakup Girl

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