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Dear Breakup Girl,

A thousand pardons if you have addressed this issue previously, but how does one revisit the subject of a major crush when it has been previously thwarted via sharp tone and distinct horror? The situation is thus: I have been phone-friendly and movie watching with a young man we'll call Ned. True to my life's pattern of loving male friends in a non-reciprocated manner, I have decided to make him my boyfriend. Untrue to form, I told him how I felt (big leap for me, to say the least). He replied that the thought had not even crossed his mind. Ow. He said that he is just so happy to have a good friend that he wasn't interested. (Let me note that he and I are both 25 and in the same place in life, eager to get on with whatever it is that should be happening to us in comparison with our successful friends who attended Yale and are now doing ecological analyses of granite formations. I am just a lowly DJ.) So, happy to have a platonic love interest at least, I carry on. Suddenly, I'm getting late-night phone calls, not of the famed booty-call variety, but just to talk, and I find myself writing horrid poetry (i.e.: "Your eyes surround me like a pigeon") because of sheer lonely despair. Coupled with the phone calls are firm hugs spewing forth from the juvenile "wanna wrestle?" mentality. I firmly believe that Mister Right-Now has come around to my way of thinking, but I'm also sure that his is a feeling borne of loneliness and fellowship. Unfortunately, I'm okay with that at this point, but I'm wondering if I should broach the subject of the minty num-nums again with confidence -- and risk the potential shoot-down due to clingy neuroticism -- or just shut up and wait for the big move.

--BJ

Dear BJ,

He calls to talk? Well. Could be a good sign (unless you, like Everyone's Kid Sister, suffer the Curse of the Buddy). Could be that he has come -- almost all the way -- around ... but is shy, afraid to admit he was "wrong," what have you.

You are thus permitted one (1) gentle re-ask, as long as you promise not to mention "minty num-nums" or "pigeons" (unless he is Bert). I suggest this approach not so much as BG's foolproof Bed Ned strategy, but rather to make sure that if your intentions are -- curses! -- thwarted again, well, at least you've got your not-so-nummy data. Because I don't want to see you settling for/clinging to wrassling matches as rays of hope/takes of what you can get. Make sure that granite formation by the phone is not your bad self. You need to be out there spinning your tunes.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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