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Dear Breakup Girl,

My ex-boyfriend, whom I will call "Ben," and his mother are very close, but in an almost sick way. Ben is very much a mama's boy. We were together for a year and 2 months and recently broke up. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I told him that the relationship he has with his mother is disgusting.

Let me explain: When Ben's father would go out of town, they would have "date night" and go out to eat together. His mother had mentioned to him on one of their "date nights" that she wonders if anybody thinks they are together, as in girlfriend and boyfriend! This made me upset and somewhat jealous. She is 45 years old and very into trying to look young. She attempts to dress and sometimes act younger than she is.

He is an only child and still lives at home. His father is somewhat of a jerk and was never really there for him when he was little, and they still do not have the best relationship. This is part of the reason that he and his mother are so close, so I try to be understanding and tolerant. His mother sometimes tells him that she wants to divorce his father and that many women would have left him a long time ago. I feel that because things with her and her husband aren't so great that this is why she maybe leans towards Ben more. Also, she often lays with Ben in his bed to talk. She pages him at least four times a day for no real reason and sleeps in his bed at night when he goes out. She always tells him that he is very good looking. Ben is 22 years old!

Ben is very immature for his age and is very sensitive. He has turned out to be exactly like his mother! He would tell her everything that went on between us. I felt like nothing was kept between him and me. I feel that his mother keeps him a little boy and doesn't really let him be a man. He is 22 years old and needs to grow up! I sometimes felt that when he and I were together it was him, me, and his mother dating! To be fair, Ben's mom liked me very much, so much so that she would tell me she loved me. She always bought me things and would give me things and take me places. All of this was very nice, but it was very hard for me to deal with her andmy boyfriend being so unusually close. I would sometimes feel left out whenever it was the three of us together. I felt like she was just too much.

Well, Ben told his mother what I said about their relationship being disgusting, and you can imagine how that went over. Ben was very, very upset, and I'm sure his mom wasn't too happy either. She told Ben that she does not want me to come between him and her. I would never try to do that. She also said that we just aren't good together. Ben sometimes lies to her when he is with me. He says he his with his friends. This bothers me. Anyway, despite us being broken up, we still continue to see each other and do things and (even have sex), which I know is wrong. Whenever we are together, we both get those warm and tingling feelings inside and get along well. I know that the feelings are still there between us despite everything we have gone through. I miss him so much, and I know that we can be awesome together again. How do I handle the situation with his mother? What do I do?

-- Christina

Dear Christina,

Okay, eeuw, I'm just glad it wasn't the mom who wrote me. And that I can let Someone Else's Mom tackle this one.

Our Belleruth says: "What's up between Ben and his mother is not your situation to handle. Ben has some major work to do in therapy before he has a real relationship with an actual peer, and he obviously isn't ready to do it yet. That is his business. Your business, kiddo, is to do your darndest to bag this one and find someone else. I know how real it feels, but trust me: you're not going to have anything remotely resembling authentic with this poor puppy. Please do not settle for this creepy menage a trois. Instead, try to mull over your unrealistic longing for an unavailable and tricky guy. And when you think you can't stand being away from him any longer, take a deep breath and stand it for two more minutes, then two more, and so on. You'll get the tingles for someone else you won't have to compete for, I promise."

Love,
BR and BG

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