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Dear Breakup Girl,

My ex-boyfriend is threatening to subpoena me so I can testify on his behalf in his divorce case. During the year we were together (his divorce was in the process the whole time), I witnessed his attempts to contact his ex-wife about the divorce proceedings; she never returned his calls or came to the telephone to speak with him. Apparently, his attempts are an important factor in his case, and as a witness, my testimony would be corroborative. However, I don't particularly like this man anymore. He's treated me badly, upset me greatly, ruined any chance of us remaining friends, and I just don't want to help him. Also, he asked me (while we were together) to lie to his lawyer and say I delivered papers to his wife that I, in fact, did not deliver. I did this for him then because I wanted to help. Now, I don't want to help, and I don't really want to have a judge find out I lied under oath to the lawyer! I asked my ex if he really wanted to chance the fact that his wife's lawyer doesn't know about my lie? If it comes out in court, my testimony won't be worth much anyway, will it? Plus, I just plain DON'T WANT TO DO IT. I'm through with him, don't have the time, and sure don't want to have to back his sorry self up in court. A subpoena is a subpoena, and if I get called, I have to go. Or do I? Is there any way out of this situation, other than threatening him that I'll leak information to the other side (something I've decided I DON'T want to do)? I'm not a monster; I just don't want to be involved any more either with him or his business.

--Opposed to Being In Court

Dear Opposed,

Please be advised that the Breakup Girl Legal Department has given me the following legal advice: "Do not give her legal advice." Anything I say here is not legal advice, and is not intended to be taken as such.*

That disclaimed, let's take this matter to Breakup Court.

First of all, it's not clear what, if any, statements you might have made to a lawyer while actually "under oath." Not all statements are sworn. Then again -- whether or not you asked God to "so help" you first -- not all lies to lawyers intended to "help" someone are an excellent idea. But no matter what really happened, let me keep this vague and simply agree that your testimony is hardly likely to help him. You might remind him of -- not threaten him with -- this again. And you might remind yourself for next time of this IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: people ending marriages do not speak any sort of consistent, meaningful language to the people they're seeing while they're doing so. Nefarious or not, they just don't. Their story changes constantly, and so, thus, does your role in it. I don't mean to berate you after the fact, nor to imply that the subpoena is some sort of punishment. But this being-asked-to-lie thing -- and doing it -- well, it "goes to character." Don't let this stand as precedent. Next time, please be more than an accessory.

Love,
Breakup Girl

* Except maybe this: if you sense a subpoena -- or, eek, a perjury charge -- looming, you really should hire a lawyer yourself. And tell her the truth.

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