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Dear Breakup Girl,

In regards to Gone Fishing, under what circumstances do you think the phone breakup is permissible? How do time together as a couple, ease of travel, or the honest "I am telling you now but promise to meet with you in person when it is realistic (i.e. end of school, trip or job)" factor in?

--Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Well, I'd rule out that "I'm just calling to give you a headsup that I'll be stabbing you in the back in person" thing you describe. Other than that, phoners are iffy after, say, the proverbial three-month mark -- or, say, if you live together -- but they're not inherently rude, as long as your phone manners aren't. In fact, I'd say they're underrated as feelings- and scene-sparers. They grant the dumpee the privilege of hanging up, gathering his/her thoughts (or, your things) and calling back. The phone breakup also circumvents the awkward exit, letting them see you sweat/cry, the ride home. So if circumstances -- say, "snowbound!" -- dictate that it's the best way to go, don't rule it out on unfounded principle. Plus, as you might extrapolate from Unperceptive (above), they're always better than the Write to Breakup Girl, Using Specific Details, and Hope S/He Reads It breakup.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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