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Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

You know that message posted by "X?"* Well, in his message, I am "Y." I thus discovered the hard way (via this site) the real reason that he broke up with me. I know that I'm sort of young and haven't dated many guys, but I'm mad at "X" for not even telling me the reason why we broke up. He said it was because his parents wouldn't let him date right now!

Well, I'm one angry gal. I want to let him know that I'm a regular visitor of breakupgirl.net and that I know why it all happened, all his little lies. Of course, I don't want to come off as SUPER-witch either...any ideas? Should I be pursuing another, now that I know "X" isn't as sweet as I thought he was? If so, how soon is too soon?

I see this guy every weekday after school, and I'll pretty much see him this entire year. That's one reason why I don't want to be a witch.

--Unperceptive/Naive One

* all names have been completely changed (and some details fudged; sorry, reader-sleuths) to protect the -- yes -- innocent. -- BG.

Dear Unperceptive/Naive One,

Oof. Eeuw. I can see why you're smarting and fuming. No one wants to learn about their breakup on the Internet.

But if it makes you feel any better -- even though reading breakupgirl.net should never be considered snooping, so of course you did nothing wrong -- yours is the letter that inspired this week's theme.

Point being: in these cases, "The Truth" -- even if encountered legally, a la Pentagon Papers -- may be deemed, a la the Justice Department's 1991 short-lived court injunction against further publication thereof on national security grounds, more information than you need. Especially because, as in the case of Unperceptive v. Dear-John-Doe, I'm not sure that there is such a thing as The Truth in the first place.

Here's what I mean: strictly speaking, yes, he lied. I won't defend that outright, but I will say that when people break up with people, they speak Breakup. Which , in the laws of Breakup Land, is classified as a different kind of speech. And thus judged by different standards.

To put it another way, whatever the dumper says to "explain" comes painted with several coats of Breakup White. Which -- the dumper tends to believe -- is pain-resistant. In other words, U/NO, he was trying to spare your feelings (well, and his ass, but still). What, you really would have wanted to hear something like "You're cute and all, but I don't LIKElike you enough to put my sanity and, well, my girlfriend in jeopardy." I know you were hurt before, and I know you're hurting more now. I know I know I know, and I'm sorry. But arguably, twisting in the wind is better than twisting under the knife.

So: no need to be mean. Really. Doesn't mean you're just letting him off some hook. Because -- and try try try to let knowing this be enough -- he does feel bad. Not Breakup Whitewash "bad;" but-write-to Breakup-Girl-about-how-bad-I-feel "bad." Sincerely bad. I'm not saying this to fuel some vengefulsome fantasy. Look at it this way: you found out that his "reasons" were worse than you thought. But you also found out the same about his feelings. Which -- silver lining -- is the closest to the Truth you've gotten so far.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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