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Dear Breakup Girl,

I've been (officially) going out with my girlfriend (Mer) for about about two and a half months, though we've been playing the roles of girlfriend/boyfriend for about five or six months. I've know her for around 3 years as one of my guy friend's (Geoff) little sister. Our whole relationship thing started when she started going to the same school as me and my friends. She's so head over heels with me, as I am for her. But our relationship is not what I think is a healthy one.

You see, she doesn't talk, well at least not much. I've told her many times that she isn't treating me as if I was her boyfriend, and every time I do she comes up with a very believable story about how she is sometimes nervous around me and doesn't want to do anything that would jeopardize our relationship.

She is so weird. She has this "Mer"ish talk, which is nothing more than made-up words that describe feelings; many of her words have opposite words. And she has a LOT of these words, and she has taught me all of them. She insists that I respond with those words when ever she says one to me. I think it's kinda cute, but sometimes it gets on my nerves. Well, we are both having fun with our little relationship.

Now let's move on to Her Brother and his ex-girlfriend (Olivia). Over the last two or three weeks, I've been talking to Olivia (as a friend), and we've been talking a lot about the second biggest thing we have in common, Mer and Geoff. It seems that Olivia and Geoff's relationship was much like my current relationship with Geoff's little sister. Olivia and I also have learned that we are almost exactly alike. We would make perfect rulers of the world. Anyway, I discuss how Mer isn't acting like my girlfriend, and she talks about how Geoff never acted like a boyfriend. Well, we've come to the conclusion that it is the fault of their parents for how they (Mer and Geoff) perceive relationships and how mentally immature they really are. We've discussed how we aren't getting any emotional support from them and how Olivia has mixed feelings for Geoff now. She isn't sure that she wants him back or not. But, that's the point, and I will eventually get to it. Now, Olivia and I are planning a little group talk with brother, sister, and us. We'll sit them both down and confront them on everything that they don't do for us. And we (Olivia and I) have agreed to become emotional support buddies for each other if we fail at making brother and sister become relationship-friendly. It really is weird that Olivia and I never realized that we were so similar before. We've known each other for about two years, and we only really found out less then a month ago.

So, BG, what do you think about how Olivia and I are trying to make Geoff and Mer come into the real world? Any comments on anything that is going on with the relationships would be very helpful.

--Steeve

Dear Steeve,

I gotta tell you, the intervention is not an excellent plan, no matter what language you speak. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the word "excellent" has an opposite word, which is "awful," and that's really what kind of an idea it is.

Now, I do get that your intentions are, somehow, somewhere, sincere. But I will assure you that people simply do not cotton well to being ganged up on, sat down, and informed that someone else has them and their lame behavior All Figured Out. (Also, "parents" are up there with "the media" on the fault-found list. This will not be a blinding news flash.) So no matter what kind of sweet Magic Shell you attempt to put on, that is how they will hear it. There is no opposite to "backfire."

I suggest that if you've got stuff to say to Mer, then you get it together to say on your own, in English. You and Olivia might make a good couple -- do not tell me that hasn't occurred to you, you "emotional support buddies"-- but I'd work on minding your own business before you start ruling the world.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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