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Dear Breakup Girl,

Just the other day, my girlfriend of over a year told me she needs some space and wants to see other people.

We met at work last summer. We have a great relationship. Her parents love me; my parents love her. She says she still loves me, and I believe her. She says she just needs the space. She says she isn't sure if she is making the right decision, though. She always talked about marriage.

Brief History: We met at work and dated for a few months until she had to go to school 2 1/2 hours away. I visited her most every weekend; we did a lot of things: travel, dinner, site seeing, etc. I eventually found a job out where she was going to law school. It was rough for me at first: I wanted to move out to be near her, but, at the same time, it was a scary experience for me because I had never done anything like that before. I moved out anyway. (Best thing I ever did.) Then we did things over the winter (more dinners, more getaways).

This summer, she went back home for a summer job. Things changed. We went to Myrtle Beach on vacation. I thought things were going really well. Her birthday is the end of this month and I bought and named a star after her, got Phantom of the opera tickets, and got some perfume and lotion from Victoria's Secret. I framed the certificate of the star and wrote a letter from my heart explaining how she is my only shining star, etc. Then a few days ago, she told me this.

I'm not handling it so well. We both cried, hugged, and kissed each other. She told me it wasn't me it was her, it was just what she was feeling. She explained that she still loves me very much and thinks I am by far the best person she has ever been with. She says that she just isn't ready to be tied down, which surprised me because she talked about marriage all the time.( I started looking at what to look for in rings; I wanted to do it on Jan. 1, 2000.)

We are still talking! We still want to see each other! She calls to see how I am doing to make sure I'm okay. I haven't eaten or anything in a few days. I just want her back. She is the LOVE of my life, and I can't imagine anything without her. I miss so much touching her, holding her, rubbing her head, kissing her...everything! I miss her soft touch. She says that if it is meant to be, then everything will work out. She knows how I feel about her; I feel it is important for me to keep telling her that. It is hard for me to sit back and try and do nothing about it when I want her back so much! It is probably the best thing to give her the space and let her see where she is and hope to GOD we get back together! I just can't imagine her with anyone else. Has law school and our being apart for long periods of time messed everything up?

--George

Dear George,

Wow. You really, really love her; you really, really miss her; you really, really want to make this work. Oh, yes. And that's adorable about the star -- which, as you may or may not wish to know, is described in the encyclopedia as a "hot body" —  but here's the thing: a star is basically its very own ongoing nuclear reaction. And I'm worried about what might actually be a mushroom cloud over your head.

So just a couple words of caution: I see why you were surprised when she said, even after talking about marriage, that she wasn't "ready to be tied down." But see, she has to have at least entertained the notion, I think, in order for it to have dawned on her that she's not ready.

And about telling her how you feel: George, she knows. I know it kills you not to keep telling her, but doing nothing is doing something: that's the thing about space. (Also, space.) Give it to her.

Meanwhile, where to take shelter? Do whatever you can to not get sucked into the black hole of hoping. Make sure you've got non-her stuff to do in that newish city of yours. Be as generous to yourself as you've been with her (though really, you can probably see Phantom only once). She might be your shining star, but just in case, I want you to start figuring out how to play your own music of the night.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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