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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 14 and going into 9th grade. My boyfriend Chris and I have been going out for a little over 2 months now (which I must say is, like, forever for two 14 year olds). About 3 weeks ago, he went on a week-long trip with his family to NM. (We planned to go see a movie a few days after he got back.) That week was really hard for me because that first day he was gone was the first day in about 3-4 months that we had not talked on the phone. So he called me when he got back and said he had to break our movie plans because they were having their upstairs painted and his parents needed his help. I was fine with that -- you know, hey, we'll just go in a few days, then. Well, he didn't call until a couple of days after to say that he was sick. I could tell he was because his voice was all screwed up. So I thought OK, I'll just wait 'til he's better and then we'll go. Well, about 4 days passed and I called him to ask how he was doing. He said he was fine but he really needed money and was working around the house to earn some cash. I could understand that. I mean you gotta have money if you're going to go anywhere. So about a week goes by (last Friday), and I called him. I told him, "I really miss you. We haven't seen each other in 3 weeks. Are you ever going to have time to do anything?" He responded with a simple "I don't know." He said that they were going to be putting in new grass in their backyard and he needed to help.

You know, before he left for his vacation, he used to call as soon as he woke up. And we would talk for hours on end about nothing in particular, everyday. And I loved that. Now he goes days without calling and, when I call him, he is too busy to talk. It's like I am bothering him. I really want to see him, but it seems like he's always too busy for me. He doesn't even make an effort to be able to to anything. I mean, I wouldn't mind if we don't talk as much as we used to, but how hard is it to pick up the phone just to say "hi" or "how are you doing?" or "are you still alive?" It just seems like his head is somewhere else, away from me, and not coming back anytime soon.

We still have each other's yearbooks from the last day of school. I finished writing in it a short while after that. I think he was really unsure of how I felt about him at the time, so I made sure that I expressed fully how much he meant to me. I wanted him to see it right away and know all of it. I read over on Saturday night, and I still feel the same way. But the only difference is that I don't really want him to know anymore. Maybe it's because I now am not sure if he feels the same. Maybe it's because I know he doesn't feel the same. I don't know what to do. My friend Hilary told me to call him and tell him that I really care about him and want to see him. And if he can't make an effort to even go somewhere for, like, 5 minutes, then tell him that I don't think this (our relationship) is going to work anymore. And if he seems to be like "No, no, no" like he really does still care about me, then just to sit and wait for him to come around.

That sounds so easy, but I know it's not. He means so much to me, and I don't want to lose him. I know from this letter, he doesn't seem like anything worth my time. But he is. He's the most loving, caring, and sweet guy I know. He has comforted me through hard times and stuck up for me when a a girl from school was spreading rumors about me. He even ditched one of his buddies who was in on it. But it seems like I'm the only one contributing to keep this relationship stable. I want to make it work. Is he really just busy or has something changed?

--Confused in Cali

Dear Confused,

Your friend Hilary, I have to say, gives pretty good advice. Though if he's all, "No, no, no," I still don't think you should wait, wait, wait forever. Not because I don't believe everything you say about how sweet and great and strong he has been for you. But because I also believe your instincts. Grass and paint: they're covers. I'm glad he's so handy and helpful -- but when someone says, "Actually, I'd rather hang out and do chores with my parents," either you are watching "Davey and Goliath," or something is up.

Still, no matter what happens, sweetie, I'm glad you mentioned the yearbooks. If things don't pick back up between you two, wait 'til the initial sting dulls -- and then you've got a practically unheard-of opportunity to write an addendum to (not a refutation of) what's normally a heat-of-the-mortarboard scribble in the first place. Because what you have/had with him is exactly what yearbooks are for: to preserve some things, somewhere, forever -- even if they sit still on a special shelf while the rest of you moves on.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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