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Dear Breakup Girl,

I've fallen HARD--and I do mean HARD--for a kind, thoughtful, sweet man. He cares for me, too, very much. Here's the catch. He's attracted to men. OK. I'd get over it eventually, and I'm fine with the "gay thing." But wait, HE'S not fine with the "gay thing." NOT OK. He's told me he doesn't want to like guys, and he really wants the wife, 2.5 kids, and picket fence scenario. That's all he's pictured for himself, and he's really exhausted himself fighting this. (This isn't closeted, this is miserable.) He's considering seeking counseling and he's talked about being willing to try to make a heterosexual relationship work with someone--maybe me. Second catch: I'm aware that I'm looking down the barrel of a loaded gun and that I'm possibly setting myself up for the tumble of the century...but I'm WAY hopeful that he'll choose me. And that maybe we could actually make it work. Am I nuts? Is there hope?

--Jennifer Aniston I'm NOT

Dear Jennifer Aniston I'm NOT,

Well, if you were Jennifer Aniston, that would explain things, 'cause you would have gotten so skinny that you're no longer thinking straight. Settling down with a guy who wants the picket fence scenario without all that "Who am I?" stuff in the way is hard enough. So is an "arrangement" with a gay guy who wants the same -- even when it's completely consenting and mutual (and not that there's anything wrong with either). But you're waiting and hoping for someone who's fighting himself every step of the way? You might be "fine with the gay thing" on, say, a state referendum, but you will not be "fine with the gay thing" on a treelined suburban cul-de-sac, or even in an unrealistic apartment in the Village. "Friends" can't afford to live that way, and neither can you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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