< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

Wow. I guess this isn't much of a question, more of a shoutout, but I had to comment on what was written by "Dateless Dilettante." I have this strange feeling there isn't that much sympathy out there for her, but for me, her letter set off alarm bells, that's for sure. I have not always considered myself to be an intelligent person. But with time I've grown to consider myself a person with a fair bit of insight and perspective; I am also hyper-analytical, neurotic, a hypochondriac and I suspect an obsessive compulsive. . .anyway, once I decided that I was actually blessed with significant intelligence, a wild imagination and sprawling subconscious, preconscious and. . . I then became obsessed with surrounding myself by people as "blessed" as me. And also with living a life worthy of such an *intelligent* and insightful and deep person well, just like "dateless," the only thing my relentless obsessions with intelligence and "purpose" and ideals and other stuff did was drive me to. . .immobility. I did, have and (probably will continue to) paint myself into a corner. I fear the future, because I don't feel I can control it. I have no sense of direction, and yet my sense of possibilities is incredible, so limitless and exciting. But I feel as if none of it is achievable. I'm obsessed with where I rank between Forrest Gump and Uber-Genius woman. Ick. Even as I write this, I get some sick satisfaction from wallowing in my own angst. Ooh. I am sooo deep, Breakup Girl. I guess I just wanted everyone to know that "dateless" is not alone. Although I am still completing university, and technically my whole life's opportunities are waiting to unfold, I see nothing emerging on the horizon. Heck. There IS no horizon. It is terribly frustrating to be aware of all of life's great possibilities, and yet feel powerless to realize any of them. How to get out of this vicious cycle of hyper-introspection? Self-pity/fascination?

Hmm. I know this relates to my relationship with my boyfriend somehow.

Oh. Yeah. How can I get him (who, by the way, ALSO happens to be incredibly driven, ambitious, and doomed to be a success) to love someone as indecisive as me?

It's been said before, but I'll say it again-- just writing this out made me feel better. . .and also more. . .deep. Sh*t.

I need your objective POV, Breakup Girl!

-- Mee

Dear Mee,

First of all, there's tons of sympathy for our pal Dateless ... you'll see below that she's far from Shoutoutless.

Anyway, how to get out of the cycle is to realize that you already sort of are. Whee! Seriously. Arguably, when you're in it, you have no perspective on it. When you're in it, you don't say wry self-aware things about how deep and wallowy you are. When you're in it, it's REAL. And not at all funny. Now, I don't know, maybe there is something truly psychotically deep going on here, and I don't mean to dismiss it if there is. But my surface suggestion would be simply this: decide to think of your Profoundly Interesting Angst as your personal style, not your personal reality. See the difference? It's the costume you wear as you actually go out and do what you want. As an excuse, you see, it's pretty flimsy. I mean, many of the planet's Big Accomplishments were made by the Biggest Neurotics on the planet. You don't have to give up Deep, Mee. You just have to get that you can be Deep and fulfilled.

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS Oh, about the boyfriend. Hard to say, 'cause I'm not quite sure what the problem is. But I'd at least suggest that "getting" someone to love you is a losing proposition. Instead, how about deciding that he does?

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >