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Dear Breakup Girl,

I was with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We have been having problems, but we both loved each other and were trying to work things out. We started having sex about 3 months into our relationship. Well lately with all of our problems we haven't had sex. It's been about 2 months since we last had sex. He got frustrated and he finally confronted me about it. When we were discussing about us not having sex lately, I asked him "what if we TRIED not to have sex until we got married." Well he didn't even give it any thought and said if I won't have sex with him he is going to have to cheat on me. When he told me that I was in shock. He has told me in the past how much he loves me and how he would do anything for me and he just shocked me when he said that. I never expected him to say anything like that. I know it would be hard, but I thought he would have tried it for me.

I went over to his house the next day and had written a letter telling him how much what he said hurt me and I broke up with him. Well since then we have talked. He told me he was sorry for saying that and he didn't mean it. I thought maybe since he had time to think about it he might have changed his mind and would try this for me, but he still thinks sex is so important and he could not handle trying not to have sex. He said he is a 22 year old guy and is at his sexual peak. Do you think I'm wrong for asking this of him?

-- No Name

Dear NN,

Okay, eeuw. He is entitled to want a relationship that includes sex, and to not want one that doesn't. But he is not entitled to coerce or threaten -- or cheat on-- you in order to get what he wants. You were plucky enough to call him on that deal-breaker. Yay. I don't think you're wrong to have asked that of him, no. But now I'd much rather you find someone who finds you worth waiting with.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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