< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

Do you think you should tell your partner you were unfaithful to him?

I am recently engaged and have moved in with the guy I've been dating for 2 1/2 years. But This weekend I kissed a guy from my office at an after-work party. I have been feeling so guilty, I can barely stand to be around my fiance. He keeps telling me I'm being unusually quiet but I don't dare to tell him. It would break his heart.

Please help me. Thank you.
Sofi

PS: This is not the first time this has happened. I did the same thing at the office X-Mas party a year and a half ago!!

Dear Sofi,

Well, this is not the first time I have answered this question, but today I am prepared to say: never tell your partner that you even considered being unfaithful. If Nicole Kidman hadn't piped up about that naval officer to Tom Cruise, none of us would have had to sit through the rest of that movie.

Okay, nobody quote me out of context on that. But I do say generally, itty bitty kissyfacey blips may -- nay, must -- go unreported. Feel guilty? Good. That's your punishment. Do not follow what I call the Fool's Gold Standard of Full Disclosure. You are not allowed to cause more problems and hurt by engaging in what is essentially a selfish act of unloading.

Still, your story, unlike that of Bill and Alice Harford, has a couple of notable plot twists: (1) you kissed a guy from your office, and (2) you kissed a guy from your office. I don't care if either of them was Hungarian, Sofi -- and even had you been single at the time -- I would say: QUIT IT. Office romance is a serious matter; thus, you are allowed to engage only in potentially serious relationships. Spumanti-induced smooching, as even Alice realized, is a really bad idea.

Furthermore, it happened twice. Two's a bit of a crowd here, sistah. Now, yes, there is a possibility here that (up to this point) you are one of those people who kisses people when (I assume) you drink, the way some people smoke; it's possible that it's relatively inconsequential airhead/bubbly-moment behavior. Is it? If so, well,don't let it happen again, especially not at your office's next ritual orgy.

Or could it be the sign of some deeper unrest underneath? Maybe. You might not have to tell him about the kissing per se, but you might have to tell him about that.

Love,
Breakup Girl

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >