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Dear Breakup Girl,

Here is the situation. Girls hate me. I am 6 feet 2 inches tall. I am 205 pounds. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. I love pro wrestling, and because I talk about it a lot I scare girls off before they have a chance to get to know me. The few girls who really do know me just are not interested. What should I do? I am very lonely.

-- "Creature"

Dear "Creature,"

Well, okay. I can see how "So, did you hear how Big Poppa Dump kidnapped Diamond Dallas' wife?" might not be the most foolproof icebreakers. And I can see how your interest plus your size (which sounds totally in proportion to me, just large) could be, like, The Intimidator, especially to a girl whose hobby is, say, "tiptoeing through the tulips." But that is not your fault, or your problem, really; and she, I dare say, is not your type. So let me give you a pep talk and a towel over in the corner. First of all, pro wrestling does have a substantial female fanbase. I read that. They're out there. And if the new girl you're talking to isn't one of them, so what? Ask her what she likes, first. That's a great thing to do anyway. Then ask her more stuff. Try it. You will find one who's interested -- and free on Monday Nitro. I mean, Night.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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