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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a problem I have never seen addressed. I'm allergic to condoms. We are talking serious pain. I discovered this with my first love, and we switched to the Pill. And I decided I never wanted to see a condom again in my life. Fast forward to the present: I'm a single girl in NY, having a great time but I have this rather large stumbling block. It doesn't really affect me now since my "good girl values" are enough to keep me from sleeping around, but someday I do plan to have a serious relationship. So how does a girl conduct a normal dating life? My relationships crash and burn at the mention of my little "problem" (granted, some fizzle on their own, and I have mentioned it to help kill off others). I'm really close to having MANY hang-ups because of this association (sex= blinding pain sometimes); that however, is a separate topic, as is my current low self-steem stemming from weight loss due to depression -- now have a terrible body self-image. I just thought I would throw that in for a reverse-of-the-usual bonus for your weight column (skinny can also = negative self image and loss of interest from men).

-- Ouch

Dear Ouch,

Don't worry: this problem is more common than you think, and there's more to be done than you think. In fact, for a "good girl," there's a lot of homework you haven't done here.

First of all, one wonders, are you allergic to latex, or to spermicide (eg nonoxynol-9, the most common)? Granted, you may have to determine such things with your local allergist, as opposed to your local boyfriend ("Okay, first the control, now the experiment! ... Not sure! Let's try both again!"), but in any case, the former should be totally doable. Armed with that info, consider these alternatives:

> the female condom, made of polyurethane.

> a lambskin condom (underneath a latex condom). (Two raincoats in a fine mist, I know, gentlemen. But lambskin is about as impenetrable as ... a fine mist.)

> the new polyurethane condom called Avanti.

> an unlubricated condom plus some other spermicide, such as oxtoxynol-9.

Other than that, my dear, the hang-up thing (not to mention the body thing) may or may not be a separate topic. I understand that pain, especially associated with sex, is a big thing, but you have, um, blown this thing up into something larger than it is. You've made this strictly medical bummer into a much stronger barrier than, say, lambskin. Get help for the depression and its side-effects; you'll be most motivated to seek out ways to keep your body from feeling bad once you start finding ways to feel good about it.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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