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Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

My last two years of college I dated the "love of my life" (let's call her Shama-lama-ding-dong). Things were pretty good until the summer before I went away to grad school. Things got worse when I finally did go away (800 miles away to be exact). We lasted about a month, got into a big fight, and stopped speaking (without ever really breaking up). About 2 months later I started dating another girl (let's call her Lunatic Linda [I mean it in a good way]). She and I dated on and off for the next 4-6 years (we denied dating [even to ourselves] for a while, but everyone else knew we were). Half way through I took a job and moved back to my home state to take care of family obligations (leaving Lunatic Linda behind).

One day I was at work and my boss handed me a stack of resumes and asked if any of these people looked interesting. Well Shama-lama-ding-dong's resume was on top. Her email address was listed so I sent her email and told her that if she didn't mind working with me, that I wouldn't mind giving her a good recommendation. She thanked me and said that someone else from the company already contacted her and that she was coming by in two days for an interview (she said she was surprised that I worked there, but her cousin and most of her college roommates knew I worked there, so I doubt she was really surprised). This was really strange for me, and my friends (not anyone from work) didn't help when they found out that I was supposed to interview her. The jokes started flying. They kept suggesting questions to ask her, they started out bad and got worse:

• Describe an awkward situation and what you did about it.
• What "position" are you interested in?
• Are you willing to do what it takes to get on top?

You get the idea. Needless say, she got the job and ended up sitting 30 feet from me. I was still "dating" the other girl, but never told Shama-lama-ding-dong. We went out in a group a few times, flirted a lot, and had our friends try to get us back together, but it never happened. I think the stress got to us and we had it out and stopped talking again. I really hated seeing her in the hall. Whenever I had contact with her, I would be grumpy the rest of the day. Meantime, Lunatic Linda found out that I was working with Shama-lama-ding-dong (not to mention that Edgar Allen Poe [a female and another ex] was working 100 yards away at a different company). So she and I had a falling out.

So here I had no girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend sitting 30 feet from me (and another who just slept with my roommate [another story] just next door) making me miserable, living the nightmare of having a work relationship go bad when I never had any of the benefits (stealing a kiss when no one is looking, sex on the copier, etc). So I hope you can see why my view on work dating is a little warped.

Now I have a new job (not really because of Shama-lama-ding-dong, but that was definitely an added benefit) away from the ex's. I have been there 6 weeks and I found someone that I really enjoy being with. We have all the same dreams, enjoy many of the same interests, with the one problem that she sits only 10 feet from me. We were getting along great, but I think she is losing interest because she does not think that I am interested. So before I get into another (or maybe it is my first) work relationship, I would like to hear someone else's opinion on the subject. Also, if I decide to pursue the new relationship, should I mention to her my problem with office romances?

-- Dave

Dear Dave,

Okay, those interview questions aren't funny.

Ha ha ha ha!!! Not funny. Ha! I am not laughing. Ha!

Okay.

This saga is like Melrose McBeal meets that guy who says "making copies...!" I'm not quite sure how to fit the Poe factor in there, except to say that I can see why you might quoth "Nevermore" when it comes to office romance. But don't think for a second that you've got a warped view on office romance; au contraire: you've seen, straight and clear, just how weird it can get. I mean that in a good way.

So as for this potential venture into office mating, well, either treat your trajectory as a pattern, or don't. If it's a pattern, what's behind it? When it comes to relationships, what steers you toward the high-drama, the complicated, the ill-defined? You tell me. (Well, if you really can tell me why humans do that in the first place, I just might have a job for you here. But think about it.)

Otherwise, don't create patterns where there may be none. Arguably, as I've hinted above, having high-drama, complicated, ill-defined liaisons is, well, our job. And offices are where you meet people with similar interests whom you know have jobs. Perhaps nothing to get all "my problem" about. If you're rilly rilly interested in 10 Feet Away girl (as in, not just because she's 10 Feet Away), then you've got to find out who wrote the book of office romance protocol, rama lama shoo bop shoo wadda. As in: what's the culture at your new place? Oh yeah, new. Remember that you are. So watch your step. Especially because according to BG's rules of office romance -- IF you deem this one worth it -- you're allowed only one itty bitty move. I don't want you to describe another awkward situation and ask BG what to do about it.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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