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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am really shy and it's hard for me to show how I feel about someone I like. I have been seeing this guy for two months and we haven't really done anything outside of school alone and I think he may be feeling rejected. I really like him but I'm too shy to show it. What should I do?

-- Stacy

Dear Stacy,

Good news! Shy people get boy/girlfriends!

Bad news! They're still shy!

Now, Stacy, first of all, I just have to be the Dumb Grownup for a second and acknowledge that I don't really understand what it means to be "seeing someone" when you don't really see them outside of school. But I guess you do, and that's enough.

Second, I think it might be helpful for you to make a distinction between something Wicked Scary and something Slightly Less Scary. Now, of course there's some overlap here, but you don't necessarily have to think about suggesting that you grab a fro yo after school (Slightly Less Scary) as exactly the same as SHOWING SOMEONE YOU LIKE THEM (WICKED SCARY). It's just yogurt.

Another important distinction: "he may be feeling rejected" vs "I might be feeling rejected." I know you didn't write the latter, but isn't that what you're more worried about? That if you make a move, yogurt or otherwise, you'll say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, etc.? Especially because, if he isn't making 50% of the effort here, well, that doesn't boost your confidence sky-high, does it? That, I think, is as much of a problem here as anything else. He, too, needs to take some initiative -- or to at least be worrying about the fact that he's not. Or maybe, now that I think about it, we've just hit upon the solution. Maybe, kiddo, he's as shy as you are. Maybe the best thing you could do would be to break the ice, trip some wires, by taking the plunge (don't you kids dare mix as many metaphors as I just did). Maybe one move, one itty bitty move (heck, write a note, even) toward one itty bitty invitation to one itty bitty yogurt shop is what it will take for both of you to heave a huge sigh -- Phew! I can do this! She does like me! He does like me! -- and, um, start having a relationship. With someone with whom you might have even more in common than you think.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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