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Dearest Breakup Girl;

Well, the day has come. After reading this column for quite some time now, I have finally decided to add some of my own fresh material for others to read and be able to say "she has it worse so I feel better now" and they can laugh at me too, as I sometimes find myself doing. But, on to the story; It all began when I met "Civic" at a party a friend of mine had a while ago, last May in fact. Well, in his eyes it was love at first sight, but I saw amazing potential for a good friend. Conflict after conflict, and I ended up getting my way with a good friend who ALWAYS knew of the best party, the best club, had all the pals to boot, and who knew how to treat a girl right (the whole opening-doors pulling- out-chairs thing will never lose its charm).

Perhaps this was a bad thing on my part-- perhaps I was leading him on... but at the time, I was so amazed with this new popularity and good times that I wouldn't listen to that "little voice" that told me this was BAD. But, who in this column listens to that "little voice" anyways?! (That is me trying to get a little sympathy, yes.)

So we hung out TONS and became BEST-BUDS.

So blah, blah, blah, he whines to me about not having a girlfriend and I set him up with the friends (party friends) older sis, and LO AND BEHOLD it works!!!! They become a very happy couple, but Civic, used to a fast-paced world is not happy taking it in the slow lane, and complains constantly about this. And then there's me. I am in a relationship at this time that leaves me feeling somewhat DEPRIVED of attention-- it had been weeks since I had gotten a little ~TLC~ and you KNOW what that can do to a girl.

So, to sum things up for now, I am feeling lonely and unattractive from the neglect received from a busy boyfriend I adored (note the past tense!!) and Civic is feeling kind of lonely too. All the while, Civic's girlsfriend and I are becoming awesome pals (we'll just call her Suzy...) and are doing the whole coffe-bonding-thing twice a week while Civic and I are still good pals.

So one day (at 5 am) after a long night of partying, we decide to visit an attraction in a town 4 hours drive away. This whole spontaneity-thing was "la coup fatal" of our friendship, and we happily took off for the day NOT TELLING ANYONE WHERE WE WERE OR WHAT IN HELL WE WERE DOING. And that's okay to have a little mystery sometimes-- I didn't think much about it. Just a little secret, right?!

So we ride some rides, we swim in the pool, we have a fun day, and we end up fooling around.

NOW, don't ask me how. It "just happened." That was back in October, and we decided not to continue anything or EVER bring the event up again. So, as predictable as rain on an outdoor wedding, Suzy and I become good good friends. Her and Civic are having their problems and I have some of my own, so we bond.

The "couple of the year," she and Civic broke up around New Year's, and since then, CIVIC HAS STOPPED CALLING ME. We have lost contact. But Suzy and he are still talking. But he doesn't have time for me or any of his old friends any more, and we're not bad kids at all, honest. So, Suzy and I still talk, and we still do the whole coffee thing about once a month, and she's still an awesome pal. But can you IMAGINE the guilt? I feel like Lady Macbeth with the blood on my hands-- the whole bit. They had a fairly intense couple-dom, and what if?? Now, I'm concerned that Civic will tell all since he has nothing to lose any more by opening his big mouth. And if Suzy has to know, I want to be the one to tell her. (Can you blame me?) I still want to be friends with Suzy, I want to be friends with Civic again, and I want it all to work out happily. Now, I know I'm asking for a lot, but what do you think the odds are that I'll get anything?

-- @nn@belle Lee

Dear @nn@belle Lee,

I've said it before, I'll say it again: in many cases, your punishment for such hookups (or other similar transgressions) is that good old-fashioned Lady Macbeth feeling. That you have to live with the guilt. And fear that someone else will spill. Ergo: neither impose your guilt on her nor dodge her to dodge it. In my estimation, the best thing you can do for your friendship with Suzy is to, starting yesterday, be the best friend to her you can possibly be.

As for Civic, you are allowed one phone call to try to reconnect. Other than that, you don't have time for friends who don't have time for you; this Tilt-A-Whirl may have run its course. So for next time, maybe, consider it your civic/civil duty to seek out a relationship that doesn't leave you seeking out TLC with other people's boyfriends.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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