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Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend was so perfect. We had a really.. mature relationship. He told me he loved me all the time and I thought, "Wow, this guy is perfect." (I mean this guy wrote me a 50 page love letter!) Anyway, while we would talk every night he began to not make time for me anymore and once I didn't see him for almost 3 weeks. So I called him and said "If you can't make time for me it shows you really don't care about me" and he was silent. And I said "Have you ever really cared for me?" and as a response to his silence I hung up on him. I feel really pathetic because I am a feminist and I'm supposed to be strong and I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this. He was my best friend and now I feel so incredibly lonely. Shoot, I sound like every teenage girl in America.

-- Morgan

Dear Morgan,

Contrary to popular belief, feminists have feelings. Missing -- feeling temporarily weak over, even -- someone who you really dug means you are: human. I mean, if you said, "Dear Breakup Girl, I'm no one without male validation and attention, well, even then you could still be a feminist, 'cause you'd maybe suspect that that was a problem, and also 'cause really, all we'd have to work on would be aligning -- as the grownup feminists like to say -- "the personal and the political." (Which grownup feminists also have trouble doing sometimes, by the way. 'Cause we're ... human.)

But you didn't even say that. Sounds like you had a good thing going with this particular guy. I mean, 50 pages! That's lovely, no matter what size font.

So Morgan, part of being a feminist (or simply dealing) is knowing and trusting that how you feel -- even if you don't like it -- is real and valid (annoying, maybe, but not "embarrassing"). It's also calling someone on it when they're not giving you your props. Which you did.

What to do? Standard breakup advice, really. Hurt rant grieve. Talk write listen. Friends school activities. You've been strong this whole time.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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