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Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, so I'm 15 and never had any kind of relationship with any guy. N O N E whatsoever!

I'm overweight, and I think I'm ugly. I'm me and that's all there is to it, but is it being me scaring the guys off? I can't even talk to one. Yet I see all the pretty, popular, model looking girls going out with the popular cute guys. I'm soooooooo afraid that I'm gonna end up being dateless my whole life (and I hold that true now cuz I can't get one guy to like me) or not even being able to go to my senior prom with a date. It hurts me too much...I always gone to my friends for advice, and they give me that same old BS of "Oh, don't worry. I'm sure there are at least 20 guys out there for you...they are just too chicken," blah blah blah. I'm sick of it. And then my mom tells me I'm pretty, in which case I'm not.

So, really, my questions are:

- Do guys get turned off by overweight girls and ugliness (that is, guys around my age)??

and

- How can I feel better about myself and my body without changing my body's looks?

I've read your advice and past questions, and I think you are the one to help. But please, spare me the BS about the guys wanting to ask me out. I don't think there is one guy out there for me. Thanks so much.

- Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Hey, your friends and your Mom are just doing their jobs (though I see where your doubt comes in; time was when Breakup Mom thought I looked "pretty" in a plaid gaucho-and-vest ensemble). Give them a break.

Still, there's a sense in which they're right about guys being "chicken." Our lame, judgmental, and despicable Society -- especially in the crucible that is High School -- can create guys (and girls) who, yes, get "turned off by overweight [people] and 'ugliness.'"

So the tough part here is that the "guy out there for you" has to be into you enough to Date The Fat Girl without caring about What Everyone Thinks. That takes a lot.

Which is also why, when he shows up, he will be that much cooler than anyone you've met (or not) so far.

In the meantime, brava on figuring out that "feeling better" and changing your body are unrelated. Many skinny girls -- many anything girls -- are unhappy, if not unhealthy. Many "pretty popular model-looking" girls are just as dependent as -- wait, actually more than -- you are on boy approval/presence for their own feelings of worth.

So what to do? Easy for me to say, but make sure that your lifestyle is healthy -- do you exercise? Eat plenty of crunchy green stuff? Good. -- and your world is full and ample. Do stuff you love; kick ass at it. I promise you: you will walk and talk (to your friends, to boys, whomever) and look like you have a cool life that deserves to be shared. And a Mom who's had reason to be proud of you all along.

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS Also see this column.

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