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Look! Predicament of the YEAR Guy is back!

Dear Breakup Girl,

First of all, an update on the girl I wrote the poem about -- I spilled everything to her. I wanted it to be said face-to-face, but that opportunity never managed to present itself, and finally I had been driven so insane that I spent an hour writing out a seemingly endless e-mail to her in which I revealed every single feeling that I had for her. She said that she was touched, and that she wasn't going to let it ruin the friendship. I saw her the next day, and she hugged me. She told me that I'd made her cry, that my words were so wonderful and touching, and that she was incredibly happy to know that someone other than her boyfriend could think those things about her.

Then the friendship dissolved. It did so quickly, too. One day, she just started ignoring me online. She avoided my calls, ignored me when I'd see her in public. It was just over, and I was given no explanation as to WHY. I sent her an e-mail asking why our friendship seemed to be over, and she sent one back saying that everything was the same. That's been about all. She came into my workplace the other day, and she was halfway friendly, but it wasn't even one tenth of the warmth she used to radiate towards me. I guess I screwed up by telling her everything. Oh well. Life goes on; at least now, I can comfortably sleep at night.

Except....There's this girl that graduated with me, class of 1997. She's attending college in a different town with a couple of my friends. In high school, I would have been lucky if she had given me a sideways glance; she was incredibly gorgeous, and she dated all the "hot" guys (God, I hate the word "hot.") In fact, she hung out strictly with popular people. Then she graduated, went to college, and suddenly found something inside of herself that was screaming "hey, you're being an idiot."

She got my e-mail address from a friend and e-mailed me just to say hello. Out of curiosity (hey, here's this gorgeous girl e-mailing me, a girl that never would have given me the time of day two years earlier. I wanted to know WHY.) I e-mailed her back. The e-mailings turned into fun-filled, witty, oddities that were sarcastic, humorous, and just wonderful. It turns out that deep inside, she had been nursing a sense of humor identical to my own; what makes this so wonderful is that my sense of humor is apparently rare, and people consider it to be "weird" and "strange." Sometimes they even call it "sick" and "deranged."

So. She breaks up with her hunky boyfriend and starts dating a guy remarkably like me. "Wow," I think to myself. "This isn't the same Katherine that I went to school with." I LIKED the new Katherine. We started chatting online every single night, and I started calling her twice a week. No, it wasn't really cheap, but I didn't care. We were great friends. That's all I expected. That's all I FELT. Friends.

Then. One night, we were talking online. She was having problems with Ted (her boyfriend), and I had cheered her up. She told me that she was "in a weird mood." I asked what that meant, and finally she told me. Her exact words were this: "If I were there right now, I'd kiss you. Just thinking about actually touching you is making my heart race."

All right. So, taking this as a come-on, I told her that the last thing I would do would be to push her away. A thirty-minute conversation on this topic ensued, ending when she finally had to go to bed to avoid angering her roommate. The gist of the conversation, however, was that she had some non-friend feelings for me, even though she wouldn't flat-out say it. She said some more things like the above, which I consider to be a more-than-friendly type of comment.

Now. I'd like YOUR input. Was that a comment that someone could have said while harboring feelings of simple friendship? She won't discuss it now. We're great friends, still; it's been a month, and we're still talking nightly. She's dumped the guy that looked like me, however, in exchange for a good-looking guy. He's supposedly sweet, although she admits that he doesn't make her feel as good about herself as I do, but he's good-looking, and that's basically the only thing she says about him. I'm fearing that she's slid back into her days of shallowness, and I'm not sure what to do.

I DO want to know what the hell is going on here, though. I want to know what she meant by her comments. I want to know what she was feeling then, what she's feeling now.

Help me?
-- Brad

Hey, Buddy!

First of all: hands where I can see them. step away from the quill, put down the whisk. No poems, no pastry. But you knew that.

Now. I will give you my theory about her, without purple prose or sweet frosting.

For her, Brad, you are the opposite of a Boy Toy. Her boyfriends are arm candy; you are brain soy.

Yes, you have discovered her depth (which, yes, lies somewhere in most hot people, so let's not work the stereotypes any more than necessary), but no, for whatever reason, she is not ready to give up manimal for mensch.

And I'm worried that when you feed off her attentions right now, you're consuming empty calories; this will consume your time and drive you nuts. So you might also want to step away from the phone. If she wants to find you for real, she will.

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS About your poetry slam: Whoops! But I don't think you screwed up. I just think she freaked out. Which, actually, is unrelated; people's reactions are, honestly, entirely up to them. Sleep well.

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