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Dear Breakup Girl,

Recently my boyfriend of three months dumped me. This guy is 18 and I am 14. I have been through a lot with him (he was in jail for a month) and things like that. He is on welfare and does not go to school so to help him out my mom let him move into our basement. The other night when he dumped me he told me he was concerned about the age difference (he was not concerned when he had sex with me last week!) and that he was too good for me, he wanted some tall thin perfect girl his age because he was "changing his image." The trouble is I am still very much in love with him. He told me that he used to love me (like last week) but something made him stop (neither of us knows what) He also said he did not want to be in a relationship right now, yet he asked my best friend Cheryl out! This whole situation is tearing me up inside, I just want him back! What should I do?

-- Broken Hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

I SO know that it hurts to be dumped by anyone, even a shallow, opportuntistic, shameless, lying, using, basement-dwelling, unemployed dropout convict. And I SO know that you want him back. But what Breakup Girl wants back are your standards and self-respect. Listen, BH, I understand that you -- and your mom -- saw good in this guy, but let me tell you this: he is not a boyfriend. He is a shallow, opportuntistic, shameless, lying, using, basement-dwelling, unemployed dropout convict. That is not what boyfriends are. (That is also not what dads are -- or, um, is it? -- but maybe I'm going too far/reading too much in.) You may not have proof of this in your life right now, BH, but Boyfriends go to work/school (not jail), respect your mind and body (not your bonus bed, double entendre intended), and ask you out (not your friends). Trust me on that.

Still, it might take a while for your feelings for your shallow, opportuntistic, shameless, lying, using, basement-dwelling, unemployed dropout convict.to fade. So in the meantime, seek out your friends and other interests (not male). And have a little heart to heart with mom about birds, bees, and boys (also, birth control), okay? Finally, just take my word on this for now: YOU DESERVE -- AND WILL HAVE -- BETTER. That's a fact. One that needs to move in upstairs.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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