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Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you know it's time to end a relationship? I've been in a relationship
for almost two years which has been a good one. When we get along it's great,
but when we butt heads it's awful. We get defensive and nothing gets resolved.
And we fight about the same things repeatedly.
I feel like I have done everything I could and sacrificed to try to make
this work. She won't try couples counseling. This relationship is beginning to
have negative effects on my work and health despite my best efforts to stay
together.
My first instinct is to end it. I'm not happy now, nothing I do seems to be
good enough and I can't continue this way.
I have tried to work things out but we can't come up with a solution.
Whenever I mention breaking up she insists its not an option, even though she
can't make any other suggestions.
I'm prepared to break up. I don't want to, but I'm prepared to.
-- Dan
Dear Dan,
Quick thing, about "fighting about the same
things." Normal, normal, normal. Ask any couple what they fight about, and
I promise you there won't be a whole lot of variety. ("You are always
making it seem as if our relationship has no variety!" "Well, you are
always accusing me of always making things seem a certain way!" etc. etc.
)
And this is going to sound harsh, but breaking up, um,
isn't necessarily an option .... for the dumpee. That's not how breakups
tend to work.
Finally. Ending it is not your "first
instinct." Sounds more like your last resort. And you do sound
prepared.
Love,
Breakup Girl
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