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Dear Breakup Girl,

Well, I think I might have just gotten extremely lucky, because one of my friend-boys (and one in the early stages, no less) might be going from KidSisCon 5 (strictly bud-o-rama) to possibly KidSisCon 3 (friends w/ serious potential).

Here's the problem. Think? Might? Possibly? It might be a question for the ages (and probably not one that a person of my age should be asking -- pfeh!) but -- How can you tell? I mean, I know how I feel. He's one of the best men I've met in quite a while. I know I want to get to know him better, and I also know I'm very attracted to him (note -- those two things don't always come as a set with me).

I also know that I don't know how he feels. When I see him around (about twice a week) he looks glad to see me. Smiles like he's supposed to illuminate the room (and he can -- pretty blue eyes, too! Sigh.) When I ask him if he wants to do something, he accepts. He's even asked me to do stuff. Plus-- hang on to your cape, BG! -- he has never asked me about another girl. Ever. Now *that's* different. In short, I'm whupped.

But this still might be just recreational/'budsville for him, while I want it to be almost anything else but. (I'll never rule out friendship, but I kind of think I have enough boys who are friends just now, thanks all the same.)

I know I have very little self-confidence, so a lot of this might be standard-issue self doubt. I also know that I'm inexperienced at best when it comes to dealing with men where I'm not the friend-girl, advice chick, or football buddy. I also know that I've tied a lot of 'hopes' into a romantic relationship. My theory -- and the logical part of my brain knows it's cracked -- is that I'll like myself more if I know there's somebody out there who likes me who doesn't "have" to. The down side to this theory is that, of course, someone isn't going to like you unless you like yourself first -- which throws me back to point number one. Like I said, it's cracked and makes no sense. Kind of like me.

So I guess that's sort of a few questions. For your sake, I'll sum up: How do I tell if he LIKElikes me? (Eww --- how high school is THAT? UGH!) How do I not get too hurt if he doesn't, or accept with grace if he does? How do I drill some self-confidence into the illogical half of my brain -- or train my logical half to become my inner-Xena and shout it down? Pathetically whupped, I remain ...

-- Everyone's Kid Sister

Dear EKS,

He has never asked you about another girl? Hmm. That is promising. Good eye.

So if I were you, I'd up and ask. You haven't known him that long, you have enough friends -- it's not like you're on a desert island where you're going to have to pass each other by the palm every day. Do your usual touch football date, whatever, only in a slightly more romantic and date-y place. At the end of the date, just ask if he sees this as a friends thing or a more than friends thing. If he says "more than," well, wheee! Who needs "grace?" Enjoy the tingly awkward moment; see what happens next. If he says "just," lie. Stand tall and say you weren't sure about either of your feelings and you figured it was worth checking in. Now say bye. Once home, freak out. Throw Nerf stuff around, write to BG. Remind yourself that well, at least you know. And the sting will fade.

Either way, EKS, try not to get your brain all twisted around this chicken/egg "I need to like myself first, but I need someone else to like me FIRSTfirst, bu that can happen only when I like myself..." stuff. Whatever. You don't need to drill anything in or shout anything down. We are all self-doubting and inexperienced (the folks with big dating bravado, especially). You're not as cracked or even as green as you think you are. In fact -- though I know you hate always being the buddy -- you're ahead of the game, because you've dealt with men as actual Humans, not just pre-Boyfriends. That's all the inner Xena you need.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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