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Dear Breakup Girl,

I did it, I went there. I slept with a married man. More than once. We met on a business trip, got drunk together one night and acted on the chemistry that was undoubtedly there but should never have been acknowledged.

Now I'm hooked -- and horrified with myself. I can't stop thinking about this guy, half the time because I want him so badly and half the time because I'm so disgusted with myself and him. And I can't avoid seeing him every couple of weeks because we're on the same project.

Please help me. What can I do to help myself get out of this situation, and get him out of my head?

-- Went There (and regrets it) Girl

Dear Went There,

Come back! Here's how.

It's just like a diet: plain old "will power" won't work. The combination of doing something yummy and naughty and then getting to hate yourself for it is just way too delicious. So, as any responsible dietician would say, identify -- and circumvent -- your triggers: Alcohol? Loneliness? Stagnation at work? Nothing good on hotel HBO? Seriously. I think you do have to start practicing not sleeping with him simply by ... not sleeping with him. Don't drink. Bring a book. Inquire about switching projects. And seek out people at home who are not dangerous or unavailable. If you're not attracted to them in general, then try to figure out why not.

I'm not saying "yay" that you went there. And clearly, neither are you. But you might as well see it as an opportunity than as a source of disgust and regret. Don't bother hating yourself when you look in the mirror (because by that time you'll probably be in his hotel bathroom). See this episode as a new reflection of the love -- or lack thereof -- in the rest of your life.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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