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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'll start with the obligatory "Your web site is super kool and groovy! You are witty, straightforward and smart as a whip! You rock, Breakup Girl!"

Now, here's my story. I broke up with Him a little over two months ago because he's (a) moving to a city far, far away and (b) because I realized that I wasn't really in love with him anymore (we dated for about a year). It was awful-I was really upset, cried all the time and felt terrible, mostly because I really love him as a person and friend, just not romantically like he feels about me and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him (he is also 7 years my elder--I'm 25). I started to feel better a few weeks later. We live in a smallish town and see each other all the time. But all was good. We were getting breakfast together every so often, going to happy hour, and then we would have the occasional post-breakup coitus (exactly 3 times) which was fun but we both acknowledged by both parties as purely physical and not romantic.

Then, he started to become a bit jealous. I needed to move on--I am staying in same small town and need to start meeting more guys. However, at a party or some other social gathering, whenever I would talk to any guy he would immediately make a bee line for me, put his arm around me, try to kiss me, etc. It all blew up one bad, bad night when he got WASTED and wouldn't leave me alone for a minute and was having paranoid delusions about me hooking up with random, gross men. The next day, we talked about it, he felt awful about the whole thing. So I decided it was best for both of our mental healths if we didn't see each other. No more breakfasts, no more happy hours, and certainly no more post-breakup coitus. He agreed to abide by these rules.

That was 3 weeks ago. Last week, we found ourselves at the same party (we still have mutual friends) and he freaked out. He pulled me aside (which I HATE, by the way--I am not a child) and was very mad at me for not telling him that I was going to be there. He says that he needs a warning when we are going to be at the same place. I offered to leave, since the friends having the party are really more his than mine, but he said, "No, don't worry about it," and then left in a huff without saying goodbye 15 minutes later.

My question to you, BG, is am I overreacting when I am upset that he pulled something like this? I think it is ridiculous -- do we have to monitor each other's moves like lab rats so that we don't see each other by accident? How can I smooth this situation over? I still want to be able to go out with some of his friends (and perhaps other males) to the places that we all go to without having to feel terrible if I see him. I really don't want to make him upset, but I also don't want to change my life for him. Help!

Love,
Need to Move On

Dear N2MO,

No, you don't have to monitor each other's moves like lab rats. Monitor each other's moves like grownups. If it's that traumatic for him to run into you by surprise (as if it's that much of a surprise), fine. Do what you want to do; drop him an email in advance. Yes, he's being a bit of a pill, but he's also leaving. It's worth just sucking it up 'til he does. You needn't be an accessory to this impasse.

I'll end with the obligatory "Thanks! Please keep visiting!"

Love,
Breakup Girl

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