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A STOCKING FULL OF SHOUT OUTS

From Debs to Moogirl:

"I got a kick out of Moogirl's gift-getting dilemma, mostly because I don't know one female who hasn't had AT LEAST one clueless BF in that regard. Although you're right about the sympathy vote, I'd take garnet earrings any day - I got a salt and pepper shaker plus a brand-spanking-new flannel plaid robe! (can you say ohmigod -- flannel?) Another time I got the ugliest terrarium you've ever seen, and unlike a plant you can kill if you don't water it, this sucker kept going for almost 2 years. (BF was long gone by then.)

However, I think it is possible to *gently* steer people (some people anyway) in the right direction. I stumbled onto this accidentally. My mom does a lot of catalog shopping now, and I'd been going through and marking pages of things I liked. My family makes a big deal of Christmas and birthdays, so there's always a large selection and many price ranges I've marked. The thing here is *it's all things I like/want/need.* My BF asked what I was doing, told him, he asked (appalled) 'you want ALL that stuff?' Explained no, it just gave everyone a choice, he sat down, said 'Cool!' and asked if I'd not send all the catalogs away, but leave a few ideas for him. It's worked beautifully ever since. Not only do I actually receive something I like instead of 'Oh, you shouldn't have' (and meaning it!) he learned more what my tastes were. I've learned more of his the same way. The element of surprise is still there, too. Which one of a 100 wonderful surprises is it?

The one thing I totally agree on is that whatever it is, it comes from the heart. My 10-year-old son asked me a few days ago what I wanted from him for Christmas. I told him just his love and maybe a handmade card or decoration to hang on the tree. I got this disgusted look and he said, 'You mean what you've gotten from me *every* year? I mean something that costs *money* this time, mom! Like....$3.00!'

Peace on earth, good will toward everyone."

From Wants a Real Love:

"This is not a question. It is a thankyouthankyouthankyou, Breakup Girl! Oh, and an apology. When I read my letter in your column I didn't even recognize it until I was a few sentences in. Was I frantic and CRRRRANKY or WHAT?

After spending yet another work-week wondering what the HECK was going on with him, I finally got my courage up enough to take your advice. We had a long and really difficult (for me anyway) talk. Everything that was building for so long just came pouring out, and he listened very patiently, agreed with some of it, did not agree with some of it, and at the end what we had was this: Friday evening through Sunday afternoon we have a definite thang, and if one of us wants to do something else we consult the other. During the week it will be looser, no definite evening, but we will always try to hook up at least once. Also, he said he had not realized how distant he seemed during the week, and resolved to try to be more attentive. I promised to try and talk to him about things that bother me BEFORE I get all worked into a frenzy.

So HOORAAY!!! We have an agreement, and I actually feel like maybe I can do this "healthy relationship" thing (even though sometimes I need a redirect from an outside observer or friend). Thank you, Breakup Girl!

Oh, and as an extra added bonus (and by the way I DID NOT tell him how I felt about that face he makes when he says 'I love you' or the fact that he only says it after I do) the other night when we were settling in to sleep, he turned to me out of the blue and looking into my eyes with a smile said 'I love you.'"

From Breakup Girl to all, and to all a good night:

Check this out ... today's the deadline!

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