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A COUPLA SOFT, SOOTHING SHOUT OUTS TO QT-LOVER

U. writes: "QT Lover, you don't have a lock on the broken-hearted thing. Lots of us have been there, and some of us should earn premiums for our enrollment in the Frequently Shattered Hearts Club. It is hard. You had something special. We are happy when what we wished for comes about, and we are sad when it is taken away. There can be no joy without sadness; they are both part of the same continuum. A change of attitude is essential. Your lover did not choose you. It happens, believe me I know. We have NO control over what our lover feels. It's out of our hands so we need to change what is between our ears. Attitude. It might have been great, it might have been TITANIC, but it will not be. Strive to be open to life, find the little pleasures that you can and be comforted that time will be a gauze that will bind your emotional wound and you will slowly heal."

Terminally Single Guy writes: "I know how you feel. I was obsessed with a girl that I was no more than friends with for almost 6 years. The most I ever did was hug her, but I was completely in love with her and it just never happened. It's been a good 3 years since I last saw her, and I can tell you, nothing gets you through feelings so strong but time. You never really want to let go of your first love, especially if you never really had feelings for much of anything before them. You also didn't seem to have any of that famous word -- 'closure' -- in this situation, just her telling you that she thought it had to end. In my case she just disappeared. You don't want to let go of those feelings, and at this point after the purging of personal items and everything you've done there is one thing left connecting you to her in your mind : the pain you feel in losing her. In my case, I began to love the pain. Feeling that pain brought back memories of her, which I felt she was owed. Eventually I just got tired of the pain, and just started going on with my life. Like so many things in life you won't one morning wake up and say, 'That's it! I'm done! I'm moving on!' Instead, with time, you'll look back and realize you're just not thinking as much any more and you'll get to something relating to normal. You can't forget about her. Don't even try. Remember the good times fondly, and be glad you experienced them in the first place. (Another cliche, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.) Just try to survive. Give it time. Time is the only thing that can heal a wound so deep. Remember, the hardest thing in life is not realizing you have limitations, but learning how to live within them. Don't try to do what you aren't capable of, do what you can and keep fighting. I wish you all of the luck in the world."

MAIL-BASHING

Someone nameless writes: "Hey website designer! What's the deal with Breakup Girl's implants? She used to be a hip, yet svelte kinda chick that any woman can relate to. Now she's freakishly Barbie-esque, with boobs that can't possibly be as aerodynamic as you're trying to maker her appear, with the flowing cape and all. What gives? Are you giving into the mass media's image of women????"

Website designer Chris responds: "Joke's on the writer, since the BG graphics haven't changed since Day One. So what gives? Is the writer giving in to the popular belief that everyone at some point gives in to the mass media's image of women???? Anyway, what you're looking at, perhaps more closely than others, is perspective. Notice that the head-to-boob ratio is basically correct (the head being a little big), and the rest of the body gets smaller because it recedes into the background. She's flying forward -- how else should I show that?"

TO THE WRITER FOR "ALL ABOUT YOU"

Breakup Girl would love to help you with your article, but your e-mail address didn't work. Please try me again at bg@breakupgirl.net and provide a surefire address for me to respond to. Thanks!

THIS IS WHAT NOT TO SAY TO FRIENDS WHEN THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS ON DRUGS

Elizabeth writes: Congratulations, Breakup Girl, on tackling the very difficult topic of 'This is Your Relationship on Drugs.' I watched as my beloved chose cocaine over everything else in his life. When the cop walked through my office door, I knew he was coming for me, to tell me he was dead. The whole process was extremely painful, and it was not helped by those who say, 'Wasn't there something you could have said?' and all the other things that mean if I had loved him more he would have stopped. I tell myself that these people really just don't get it, and perhaps if I hadn't lived through it, I might also just not get it. I am very grateful that none of your answers sounded like 'If you just loved him/her more...'.

Great site. When I think, 'OH rats, it's Monday, I have to go to work...' then I remember, 'Oh great...Monday...Breakup Girl is back!' I think that making Mondays an OK day should make you eligible for a Nobel Prize!'"

BG responds: This is what to say to make Breakup Girl's day ... every day! Thanks.

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