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I'M FINE, THANKS!

Dear Breakup Girl,

NNGGRRRHH!! What in the HELL is people's problem??

Whew. Okay, I feel better already.

This isn't exactly a breakup-help letter, as it is a dealing-with-the-fallout letter.

When I was 19, I fell in love. Boom. We were together for four years. When he fell out of love, he didn't get 'round to telling me for a while-- in fact, I didn't find out until nearly six months after the break-up, when I found out he was getting married. I found out he was getting married, because he sent me a wedding announcement. Via overnight mail. Which arrived on Valentine's Day.

Now, when I say I fell in love, I really did-- with all the intensity and emotion of a 19-year-old, and about half the common sense. The rotten thing is, he really wasn't a rat-bastard. I suspect that the above-noted Valentine's Day delivery [which almost prompted a re-enactment of the Valentine's Day Massacre], occurred in a fit of rat-bastardy. Then again, who knows?

And, here's the point-- Who Cares?

I'm *over* him. It took nearly three years, but I'm over him. And now, two years after those three years, I'm single, and happy. I have a wide circle of friends, a wide range of interests, and, apart from the downs everyone has, a pretty darned neat life.

So, what's the problem? The problem is, my family won't get over it. They keep hinting, and suggesting, and implying that I need to Find Someone, or I'm just Wasting My Youth. The common opinion is, "John" broke my heart, and I'm still not recovered. This isn't true-- but, no thanks to way too many self-help books, I can't seem to convince any of them that I'm Over It.

My friends can't figure it out. "Who's John?" was the response from a friend who accompanied me to a Fourth of July family party. "Who's John?" Precisely.

Now-- what can I say, or do, shy of actually getting married, to get these people -- who all of them have the best intentions, and who sincerely care about my well-being and happiness, which of course makes things worse -- off my back?

-- Emma See

Dear Emma,

Let me just take a minute to get over the wedding-invite incident that put the "Ex" in Fed Ex.

NNGGRRRHH!! What in the HELL is people's problem??

Whew. Okay, I feel better already.

Now. Here's the deal. Some people idealize their relationships; some people's families idealize their relationships. That is precisely what's going on here. Your family loves you. They think you are a hot ticket. They cannot fathom why a boy-type person would not find you equally irresistible. Ah! It must be some interfering circumstance. See? It's the best they can come up with.

So. How your folks get off your back is: they roll. As in: you let them. the more defensive you sound, the less they believe you. You all know the drill:

YOU to MOM/DAD: "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT WAS NOT ME WHO DENTED THE CAR! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T TRUST ME!

I AM GOING TO GO TO MY ROOM AND HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL YOU BELIEVE ME!"

MOM/DAD to each other: "She did it."

So don't insist that -- or hold your breath until -- they believe you're happy. And don't you dare try not to meet someone just to be contrary, young lady.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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