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Shout-Outs, Additions, Updates from last week (Thanks, y'all!).

1. For Handyman (Predicament of the Week):

Been There writes: "I have some insight for Handyman, who heals broken hearts -- then gets the shaft. Think about this: you meet a girl who has recently had a serious concussion. You fall in love. Her doctor has ordered her to have a month's worth of bed rest. You are devoted and loving. You care for her each day and do all you can to make her feel better. A month passes and you are still concerned about her condition, so you have her stay in bed for a few more days. After six weeks, her doctor pronounces her fit as a horse, but you are still worried and keep her in bed. She goes along with it because it feels good to rest and take a time-out from work and all that nastiness of the real world. After three months she is bored sitting in bed all day. After six months, you are driving her crazy. After a year of sitting in bed and being catered to, she rips off your head and stuffs it in the bedpan you have been faithfully attending to all these months. Get the picture?

I have been in several relationships with wonderful, amazing men that I met as I was going through some self-esteem-zapping family stuff. They were loving and all that good stuff, and told me over and over again what a wonderful person I was, that I was special and should feel good about the person I was, etc, etc, ad finitum. This was great for my self-esteem, mind you, but eventually I began feeling better and better about myself, and the first aid they administered just got....annoying. When I began to feel like the strong, capable, successful woman I was, I no longer needed to hear it. That may sound harsh, but I still loved both of these men when I left them. I never wanted to reject either of them, but the way they related me became stifling, because they expected me to remain in the role of someone who needed their support in order not to fall apart. The men I loved had gotten used to relating to me when I was in a position of weakness. When I was no longer in this position, they no longer understood what I needed.

Admittedly, the demise of both relationships was partly due to my not educating them on what I now needed and how things had changed. As BG said, you have to learn to how to love a woman who does not need you. Do not stop being the wonderful, caring man you are, but do know when to stop treating her like an invalid. For a woman who has regained her self-esteem, it is difficult to stay with a man who treats her like she is fragile. Trust that she will be able to fall on her tush and get back up on her own. If you don't, and insist on rescuing her from every emotional crisis, you are trapping her into the role that you are supposedly helping her recover from -- the helpless, fragile little girl. In the end, I think you will find that loving a strong, self-confident woman is very fulfilling. It is always wonderful to know that someone is staying with you because they want you in their life, not because they need you to fix their life. Good luck!"

2. For Skye, who wrote about Dr. Pain:

Deb writes: "I just wanted to add one thing to the good, solid advice you and Belleruth gave Skye about her doctor friend. Assuming there's no drug addiction and he really does want a relationship (as opposed to one more thing to whine about!) tell him to look to women older than he is! He's mid-30's, right? So why's he going for girls early to mid I'll-never-age 20's? Chances are fairly high women that age would want someone a little less restricted in where they can go, what they can do, etc. Tell him to try going 5 - 10 yrs. older...most of us have had our families, and would be grateful for some attention and loving kindness. Most of us had to put up with, well, a pain in the *really* low back. If you know what I mean."

3. From Shy and Confused: Triumph of the Week/Heart

She writes: "I just wanted to thank you soooo soooo much for your advice, and to tell you what happened with Greg and me. Well, after a LOT of thinking, I decided I might as well just tell him everything I feel about him, about our relationship, etc. I didn't want to be unsure and confused about what was going on any longer, and I wanted to either start a more steady honest open relationship, or just end the one we sort of had going. So I wrote him a long letter...I told him everything I felt about him, and about how I had felt about different things, about him being my first kiss, about everything that had to do with our relationship. I was nervous about sending it, but I figured it'd be better to just know straight out what was going on, rather than guessing. So anyways, after about a week, I got a reply, and it was very good news. He never even knew I had feelings like that for him, and never knew I thought of him other than a passing thought. He said he has very strong feelings for me, and would also like a relationship. His letter was so sincere, so sweet, so EVERYTHING...and it made me so happy that I had the courage to write him about it. Things are very good now, and he's coming back for a break this week sometime. God, I'm just so happy...I love him to death, and I think things will work out really well for us, even being so far apart. The distance doesn't even matter if the feelings are as deep as they are for us. We're becoming so open with each other, and I feel so lucky to be with someone so special and kind. *Sigh* Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read my question, and to answer it, and I just wanted to let you know what happened with us. Thanks again. :)"

BG responds: Who-hoo! You are so welcome. And the cool thing is this: even if you need to write with a new predicament in the future, you will know better than to sign it "Shy and Confused."

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