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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm 18 and a senior in high school; not certain how relevant that is, but I'm sure it has some bearing. There was this girl that I kinda liked, and we had a dance coming up at my school, so I thought I'd ask her out. We're both in drumline together, so I figured a good time to do it would be after one of our practices; that way I'm certain to get a chance to talk to her, and I can't chicken out.

Well, I went up to her (oh, BTW her name is Heather) after practice, and asked her if she was going to the dance with anyone. She responded with, "Umm...ehh..." and then ran out of the practice room as fast as she could. I'm not stretching the truth here either; she ran about as fast as I've seen anyone run in a while.

I was more or less in shock. I mean, I generally consider myself to be a decent looking guy, and a pretty nice one at that. Why would she run out of the room? After I had thought about it for a bit, I caught back up with her a few hours later. I asked her why she ran, and of course she didn't really have a response to that. I told her, "well, if you didn't want to go with me, you could have just told me." She then responded that she was "supposed to go with someone else."

Great sign, right? I mean, I'd feel really bad if she dumped her date, but at least she's interested! Maybe not. So, my family and I went on vacation for a week the day after this happened. Well, I talked to a few of my friends via e-mail, and basically what she meant by "supposed to go with someone else" was that she wanted to go with someone else. Problem was, the person she wanted to go with had/has a girlfriend. So, apparently she wanted to go to the dance with me again, but wasn't going to bring it up, because it'd look like I was a "fallback" date.

Look like?! So, I basically made the decision not to pursue her for a date to the dance. But, something else odd happened. I called her up after I got home from vacation, and we talked. For three and a half hours. What? Now, I know 3.5 hours isn't a gigantic amount of time; but for the second phone conversation? I thought it was kind of weird. Toward the end of the convo, I asked her, "Would you be interested in doing something with me sometime?" (I know, I'm a modern day Shakespeare.) She kind of dodged the question.

So, basically, I'm debating whether I should pursue her or not. I know using "pursue" is a bad thing, because it implies effort only coming from one side. But, that's all I can do, right?

Also, there is another girl that I just started to notice again. I had kind of had a crush on her before this Heather girl, and now I'm starting to feel it again. I dunno, she seems kind of interested in me. How would you suggest that I go about getting to know her better? My usual way is getting their phone numbers, but I fear that in just talking with them, they get used to me as a "friend," which is something that can be quite annoying sometimes.

-- Justin

Dear Justin,

First let me clear up one thing. Getting the digits is a great step toward getting to know someone you LIKElike. Then, step two, so is talking. As long as -- sooner rather than later -- step three is talking about...where you'd like to take her for dinner or sundaes or the movies or something. Not about helping her get through her fifth (to date) breakup with the school bad boy. Or about measurements for her loft. You're right; you don't want to end up all talk. (Click here for more about the plight of the friend-boy.)

So here's the rest of the plan for drumming up a date. You get one more chance -- if you want one -- with Marion Jones. Her sprint was impressive, but so was her stint on the phone with you. The reason the practice room jar is slightly ajar here is that...well, Shakespeare, your speech to her was a little vague. "Do something sometime?" Hmm. It's a start, but give her a little less to dodge. Maybe something more like, "Hey, would you like to see "Charlie's Angels" sometime next week?" You get another 50-yard-dash, you know where you stand.

Yep, right in front of the Heather hotline. I mean sure, "pursuit" may be pointless if your quarry's left skidmarks. But someone's got to take the first, and maybe even second, step. So start talking, as directed above, and I betcha she'll run...toward you, you know, in slow motion, through a soft-focus field of daisies.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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