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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a secretary in my mid-thirties who is also an aspiring writer, and am applying to college to complete two more years of an undergraduate bachelor's degree in preparation for graduate school. My problem is that I don't know how to answer professional, educated men I meet when they ask me what I do for a living.

If I say I'm a secretary it makes me sound uneducated, and these days educated men prefer educated women. (I did not complete my education earlier because even though I am American-born, I was raised in a non-American subculture which discourages educating women, and there were also financial problems.) Yet, if I tell men of my goals or background too soon it may seem like I'm trying too hard to impress or explain myself. So how should I answer the big question, "What do you do?"

-- Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Ooh, hey, your question is like the opposite of Tongue-Tied's, who wanted to know what she should tell her potential employers about her love life.

Now, I will warn you that you may get testy shoutouts from lots of "well-educated" secretaries, not only because the job can indeed be a demanding one but also because...well, sometimes people make choices, or job markets make choices for them. (Betcha lots of those guys dressed like chickens handing out wing samples are Yale Drama grads, you know what I'm saying?) And people do understand that. No one should ever apologize for being "just a" -- especially not when it's part of a two-year (at least) plan.

But hey, we all work at Perception is Reality, Inc., so I totally hear what you're saying. So why don't you just start with, "Well, I'm working toward getting a degree [graduate program of choice.]" Then let them ask questions, and answer them openly -- especially if it involves mentioning the cultural and financial hurdles you've faced. See, that's pretty interesting. Which is better than "educated" any day.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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