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Predicament of the Week
In which Breakup Girl addresses the situation that has, this week, brought her the most (a) amusement, (b) relief that it is happening to someone else, and/or (c) proof that she could not possibly be making this stuff up.

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, I am in the 8th grade and there is this guy that I have liked since I was in 1st grade, literally. Most parents I know say that teenagers don't know what love is; but I do. I am loop-de-loop, head over heels in love with him.

In the past, I have asked him out; or as some grownups like to say, asked if he would be my boyfriend. He has turned me down every time. All my friends always are telling me how pretty, smart, sweet, and nice I am to him, but he still turns me down. My question for you is, why can't he see how much I love him?

-- Melissa

Dear Melissa,

Oh, sweetie! First of all, I do know what you mean, but I think if more grownups would just up and say "Would you be my boyfriend?" their love lives might be much simpler. In fact, that's why your asking him out was pretty mature and forthright behavior on your part. So brava, braveheart.

But here's the problem -- as I know you've noticed -- it's...not working. And that, kiddo, is love's crappy flaw: it doesn't necessarily work in twos. Just because one person feels it doesn't mean their loved one feels it back. Just because one person feels it -- and the other person sees it, which I think this dude does -- doesn't mean their loved one feels it back. Someone should have worked out that bug when love was back in beta-testing, but it's too late now. All too often, love is -- as grownups like (well, hate) to say -- unrequited. I sure hate to say this, but I'm not convinced that -- for whatever ridiculous, un-American reason -- that Seven Year Boy is gonna come through for you at this point. Biggest ouch ever, I know. But I don't know what else to tell you.

Except this: wow, seven years. Kiddo, at this point, what you feel for him has become, like, bigger than both of you put together. You're, like, used to it. You've changed grades, fashions, friends, hairstyles, but as crushes go, this is all you know. It's wired into you like a science project. So I can't really tell you how to fall out of love as clearly as I could tell you to fall out of, say, a hot air balloon.

But I can tell you to try, oh try, to focus on everything you love in your life besides him. What do you have going on? Stuff you like to do with your friends? Projects? Maybe find or start some new ones? See, you've been having to do all the work, all this time. Once you start working on other fun stuff, you might -- you really might -- be like, "Oh! Wow! I didn't realize how exhausted I've been all this time. Now I have...all this free time!" And you might actually like it. AND you might free yourself up to find the kind of love you actually don't know yet: the kind where two people are loop-de-loop, head over heels about...each other.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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